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MY long-term partner has suddenly left me.
I’m so devastated – I just didn’t see this coming.
One minute we were making love, the next he was telling me he was off.
I thought that we were perfect for each other. Now he’s living with a mate and says he can’t put into words why we had to part…we just did.
The only light at the end of the tunnel is that he has hinted he might be willing to meet up with me next year to see how we both feel.
My mates say I would be mad to put my life on hold until then, but what if there’s a chance of him wanting me back again? Can I risk blowing that?
Please tell me what to do because I can’t think straight.
I HAVE no money. I can’t afford to pay off my credit cards, book a holiday or buy any Christmas presents.
I’m literally living hand-tomouth and it’s really starting to do my head in.
My sister knows the score, so does my brother and our parents, yet no-one is offering to help me out. I just don’t know how they can all stand back and watch me suffer this way.
The other week my mother hosted a Sunday lunch. I took the opportunity to moan about my lot. I told everyone around the table that I was in trouble.
My sister muttered that I was being embarrassing and promised to chat to me later.
Shame
I was furious. This is from a woman who regularly withdraws £300 from the cash machine at a time and doesn’t give me a penny.
The last time I was at her house I noticed one of her bank statements that showed she’s invariably around £10,000 in credit.
I also know she has Premium Bonds, an ISA and a flat she rents out to students. Me, I’m lucky if I’ve got enough cash left over for a pizza on a Friday night.
Then there are my parents who receive massive pensions each month and have so much money between them they don’t know what to do with it.
My boyfriend says I should shame them all into coughing up. He says I need to send begging letters or refuse to leave their houses without a cheque. He’s a devil like that.
I have to confess that I’m finding myself increasingly bitter and snappy around my folks.
My sister is hosting Christmas again this year and I wonder if I should make a scene just so that they all know that I’m not kidding when I say that I’m struggling.
JANE SAYS: Your friends are absolutely right – you cannot waste another minute of your life on this man.
If he honestly can’t tell you why he has walked out – let’s be honest, there’s always a reason – he’s not worth bothering with.
I hate the idea of you sitting around, wishing and hoping for months while he does his own thing.
There is no guarantee he will even meet you next year. He might be in a new relationship or on the other side of the world by then.
Accept that he’s taken the coward’s way out by simply running off to a mate’s place without finishing with you properly, and start making your own plans.
You deserve better than this. JANE SAYS: It’s miserable that you’re having a hard time, but you can’t assume that your siblings or parents can help you.
Don’t forget that they have bills and responsibilities too. It may also be that they feel they’ve already given you more than enough in the past.
Just because your sister’s bank statement (which you really shouldn’t have been looking at) showed a balance of £10,000 doesn’t mean that she has that amount all the time.
Check out National Debtline (nationaldebtline.org) for details on debt management and budgeting. Think about ways you could earn more money. Retrain and turn your life around.
Would you think about taking a degree through the Open University (open.ac.uk) or take in a lodger? Also ensure that you’re getting all the benefits you’re entitled to.
As for your plan to ruin Christmas Day with your sob story, forget it. That would be totally inappropriate.
It sounds to me that your boyfriend has a few too many “great” ideas for my liking. What is he doing about helping you out?
Please don’t tell me that you sub him or that he’s bleeding you dry, because I’d hate to think that he’s the real reason why you’re in such dire financial straits. Does he need to go?