GXcj jXp [i\Xd ^lpËj X YX[ Ële
Cfm\ iXk ]i`\e[ Yljk$lg 9LK ?<ËJ G<I=<:K =FI D< JZXi\[ kf X[d`k @Ëd ^Xp
THE day I discovered that my best friend’s man was having an affair I warned him he’d better end it, or I’d tell my friend everything.
Soon after I spotted him out with his other woman and marched round to my friend’s house.
But she said: “Whatever it is, I don’t want to know.”
Then she shut the door in my face and refused to answer again even though I rang the bell for the next 20 minutes.
Our relationship has never recovered and I’m so upset.
She and her boyfriend have announced their engagement and I don’t even know if I’ll be invited to the wedding. She and I used to be so close and now her bloke’s infidelity has driven a wedge between us.
EVERYONE keeps warning me that my bloke is a two-faced creep.
I’m confused because every time we’re together he lights up my life.
He flatters, treats and loves me. He tells me that I look amazing and that there’s no other girl to match me.
Our sex life is off the scale and he never leaves me wanting more. But people continually tell me not to get too close or I’ll get burnt.
One friend says that her sister used to go out with him and he left her shattered when she discovered he had two other lovers plus a baby.
Another pal says he’s a fantasist and another says he’s a liar and a cheat and cannot be trusted.
Victim
Two weeks ago I went on a hen weekend with my cousin. I was surrounded by my pals for 48 excruciating hours.
All I got from them was “Watch out, he’s a rat” and “He broke my neighbour’s heart” etc. I felt ganged up on.
Now I don’t know where I stand. I love my guy, but I hate the thought of being a disposable victim.
Any time I attempt to ask him about his sexual history and his past, he jokes that there are a lot of troublemakers in this world.
I can’t even get him to admit that he has a child, but feel that sniffing around behind his back would be cheap and disloyal.
I’d like us to be exclusive and committed to each other. Only I’m not managing to get that message across. I need to find a way of making him mine. I also need to shut everyone else up.
Yes, I get it that he may not be perfect, but who is?
JANE SAYS: Naturally, you were upset when you saw your friend’s man with another woman, but if she’s willing to give him another chance then that’s her call.
You may consider him a cheating rat, but she obviously cares for him and isn’t prepared to give up on him yet.
You can’t judge her by your standards. She is an individual with feelings of her own.
I suggest you ask her for a no-holds-barred chat and make it clear you don’t wish this incident to come between you.
Can you start afresh if you promise not to interfere again?
Your friend has been humiliated and she may not want anyone in her life who will remind her of that. JANE SAYS: Please don’t let your pride stop you from seeing the glaringly obvious.
If everyone you know, trust and care about is telling you that your man is a rat, then open your eyes and ears and get real.
Of course you want to make this exciting man all yours.
But if he isn’t the slightest bit interested in being pinned down, then I fear that you’re doomed to failure. Everyone seems to be telling you to watch yourself.
What part of that message aren’t you getting? The very fact that he refuses to connect with you or even talk about his secret child speaks volumes.
Face it – he’s just not interested in answering to anyone. He’s a free spirit and he’s living his life on his terms.
I urge you to step back and stop idolising him.
Start accepting that he’s a normal guy, with baggage and a past. If you can stand the fact that he lives life to the full, then fine. But what you can’t do is try to put him in a box and make him something he’s not, because it won’t get you anywhere.
It’s vital that you protect yourself from being hurt or humiliated and that you emerge from this affair with your reputation and your dignity intact.
Why not vow to take one day at a time and just see how things go?
Don’t think long-term and don’t have any great expectations.
If he surprises you by coming clean and turning his life around, then it’ll be a bonus.