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LAST spring my partner came home with some tackle and announced that he was taking up fishing.
For the next few months he left home at 4am and came back with tales of dropping his sandwiches in the river and rowing with fellow anglers.
In September he said he was going to try night-fishing instead.
Now I’ve discovered that he hasn’t actually caught a fish for months, because he’s been going out dogging instead.
Yes, his tackle is still in the back of his van, but it’s dry and clean and clearly hasn’t been used for ages.
Now I feel frozen and don’t know what to do the next time he says he’s off down to the club lake.
It was my neighbour who told me the truth during a fundraising bake sale at her house.
MY new partner’s horrible ex-boyfriend won’t leave us alone.
He keeps wanting to fight me. The guy is off the scale.
Every day I get texts from him suggesting times and places where we can “sort things out”.
In other words, thump each other to pieces and draw blood.
He obviously thinks he can intimidate and frighten me in the same way that he terrified my girlfriend for five, long years.
Everyone keeps telling me that he’s sad and pathetic, but that doesn’t make life any easier.
When my girl and I go out we’re always on the look out for him.
Threaten
She’s terrified he’s going to jump out from behind a car and have a go.
When we first started going out he used to hang around her estate. If he saw me in the street he’d shout and threaten me.
In the end I had to get some mates to warn him off.
But he’s not someone to take a slap on the wrist lightly.
What really annoys me is that he’s still in contact with my girl offering cash, holidays and a fantastic life if she’ll just give him another chance.
He comes up with all sorts of fantastic stories about inheriting money, winning cash and landing a great job. All lies of course, but she still feels slightly sorry and responsible for him.
Of course I’ve suggested reporting him to the police and getting a restraining order, but my girl is reluctant because they were together for a long time. Her latest plan is that we should do a moonlight flit. She wants us to give up our jobs and flat and move somewhere far away to get rid of him.
I love her dearly and we’re very close and committed, but why should we allow ourselves to be shoved out of town?
She also thinks that a cash bung might soften him up, too.
JANE SAYS: I get it that you’re mortified and embarrassed and just want this whole mess to go away, but burying your head in the ground bait isn’t an option.
Take a deep breath, pick your moment and explain to your guy that you both need to talk.
Give him a chance to explain himself.
If you’re still not satisfied you’ll have to act on your instincts and dig further.
If he’s been behaving in a manner you find unacceptable, is he sorry and willing to make amends?
Or is this a crossroads in your relationship? JANE SAYS: Forget running away; you and your girl need to think sensibly.
Giving up your jobs and home is a ridiculous idea, as is giving this pain in the backside a pay-off. It’s unfortunate that her ex feels lost and aggrieved but he has to accept that your girlfriend has moved on and that he must too.
Up until now your girl has tried to be kind and give him a chance.
She’s refused to report him to the authorities but she’s seriously misguided. You and she simply can’t tolerate him turning up like a bad smell and making a nuisance of himself. What gives him the right to frighten either of you?
As for you and he meeting for a pre-arranged fight; forget it. This is not the 18th Century, you and he can’t duel for her hand. I urge you to speak plainly to your girl and tell her that this is the end; you simply won’t put up with any more of this nonsense and the police have to be informed.
This jerk has to understand that you mean business because his current behaviour is threatening, scary and totally unacceptable.
It goes without saying that your girl can no longer have any contact with him if she cares about you.
Just whose side is she actually on here? It’s time for her to make her mind up and choose.