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I’M a woman hooked on smut.
I thought watching some mild porn would help to spice up my love life.
The girls I work with are always bragging about watching other couples having sex, but I wish I’d never plunged into the murky world of adult footage.
Now I can’t resist the urge to check out various sites at home and work.
The other day I pretended to be ill and locked myself in the staff toilet for over an hour while looking at filth on my phone. I absolutely disgusted myself.
My boyfriend can take or leave this stuff, but not me – and it’s costing me a fortune. I’m lying to him too, which I hate, because he has no idea how addicted I am. Who can help?
MY boyfriend loves to watch me having sex with other men.
We’ve only been together for a few months and he’s already organised two orgies and a threesome.
Now he’s talking about a big sex party on Christmas Eve, but I’m just not sure swinging is for me.
I love sex and I’ve always been an adventurous and open-minded woman, but is this really the way to go?
I’m worried about things getting complicated. My last partner and I were together for three years, but our relationship crashed and burned after he brought another woman into our bed for an experiment.
Great
She and I got on brilliantly and the sex was great. I had a fantastic time. But even though he had organised the night, he became jealous and felt excluded and humiliated.
Will the same thing start to happen with my new bloke? Especially if any new lovers are fitter, stronger or more well endowed than he is.
That’s half his problem, I think – he suffers from poor self-esteem. He’s always worrying that he’s smaller than other blokes and tries to over compensate with wild parties and activities.
If I’m honest, I’m quite happy with him the way is he (I wouldn’t go out with him otherwise, would I?) but he’s certainly a complex character. He loves pornographic films and often pops into seedy clubs for sex shows during his lunchtimes or after work. In nightclubs he encourages me to get off with other blokes so that he can watch us snogging and groping.
He insists that I don’t have to worry about a thing. All I have to do is have the time of my life with any guy who takes his eye.
No guilt, no commitment and no repercussions. But I fear that things will become complicated – because they always do.
JANE SAYS: You’re in the grip of a dangerous addiction and must visit your GP right away.
Be honest about your compulsion to visit porn sites and find out what help is available.
You owe it to your boyfriend to come clean so that he knows what you’re going through and can help you. Face up to this and don’t be ashamed.
The more porn you watch, the more your brain will become desensitised and the pleasurable “highs” will be followed by guilt-laden lows.
I sense a lot of shame and self-loathing in your email.
You are experiencing an unfortunate fixation but things can get better if you open up and face this. JANE SAYS: Complex is one way of describing your boyfriend. You’ve only been together for a few months, yet he’s already organised a number of sex parties and is talking about an even bigger one this Christmas.
There’s pushing back the boundaries – and there’s him.
Has he got some kind of persecution complex? Does he really want to risk you falling in love with someone else?
The very fact that you’re questioning his plans tells me all I need to know.
Therefore, you need to start being true to yourself and honest with your bloke.
He needs to understand that this is not the kind of life you wish to lead. You crave a more regular, loving, union.
The only person you want making love to you each night is him. Did he mention his particular tastes in the beginning? Would you have still agreed to go out with him if he did?
This won’t have developed overnight.
I get the impression he’s a manipulative individual who is used to getting his own way.
Get out now before he drags you to places that you really don’t want to go.