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MY long-term partner knows I long to become a mother.
For ages he said we would start a family “one day”. But now he has come out with it and admitted that he never wants to be a father.
I’m devastated. He says he’s looked at his sister and his mates and realised how much babies take over and destroy relationships.
Obviously I’ve cited the dozens of people I know who do have children and a happy relationship. But he’s sticking with his point of view and is refusing to budge.
Now he’s mounting a charm offensive. He says we can buy new cars, move house and book loads of luxury holidays in the coming years.
We’ll be free to do anything and go anywhere. But I feel as though I’ve been duped and have lost so much time already.
I’m 35 and feel cheated.
NO-ONE wants to spend Christmas with me.
I’ve not received a single invitation to a party and I still don’t know what I’m doing for lunch on December 25 itself.
Usually I juggle invites to all manner of gatherings.
Last year, I could have attended five different knees-ups on Christmas Eve alone.
But today I find myself looking at my calendar with tears in my eyes. My parents are in Australia, my best friend has moved to Germany and my cousin is going to her in-laws.
My change in circumstances occurred because my long-term boyfriend dumped me in July. His parting has left me high and dry.
Boring
If I’m honest he was the real communicator and connector in our relationship. I sat back and allowed him to organise our entire social life. My friends were his friends from work, college and school. His family were my best mates and now that he’s with someone new, I’m all at sea.
I’m facing a bleak, boring Christmas, as I have no-one to call. I’m sorry if I sound bitter and angry – but I am.
My life has fallen apart at the seams and I never imagined that I’d end up this person staring at these four walls. I can’t even spy on my ex or any of his pals and relatives because I don’t do social media and am too proud to call.
How did my once perfect life go so tragically wrong?
The people I work with don’t even know that I’m single again. I’ve carried on pretending that my bloke and I are still together in order to save face.
I’m fully aware that my enemies within the office would kill themselves laughing if they actually knew that I’m the biggest JillyNo-Mates of all time.
JANE SAYS: I urge you to speak to your man again and make it clear to him that you’re confused because he’s given you mixed messages in the past.
First he said he DID want children, now he’s saying that they’re off the agenda. Is it possible that he’ll change his mind again or have the experiences of others make up his mind for him?
The sad fact is that you won’t be fertile forever, so if this chap isn’t willing to give you the life and the future you want, maybe you do have to conclude that you and he have gone as far as you can and move along. JANE SAYS: All I can suggest is that you rise above this setback and accept that life sometimes throws us these curve balls.
Naturally enough you feel stunned and winded by recent events.
One minute you were happily jogging along with your ex-partner, the next you found yourself looking at an empty diary.
Are there any local organisations you could get involved with? Check out charities, food banks or churches that might need help feeding the needy or the homeless. Make this year about someone else for a change.
However, do look after yourself; treat yourself to something lovely to eat and then make positive plans for the New Year. If your old crowd have sided with your ex and his family, then that’s just too bad. But these things happen.
Don’t take it personally. Instead, vow to rebuild your life and make 2018 your year.
First off, I suggest you learn from your past mistakes.
If you were guilty of sitting back and letting your ex make friends and organise your social life, then be more friendly and proactive in future so that you have your own people to fall back on.
Also, at work, what enemies are you talking about? Grow up, start acting like an adult and stop shooting yourself in the foot.
I get the impression that sometimes you can be your own, worst enemy. Am I right?