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FACT FILE
WHEN is a car not a car? That’s this week’s simple question.
And the answer is simple too. It’s when the only people who could possibly find it fun would not be old enough to drive.
Talk about ridiculous. The Mégane GT Nav is so full of playthings it makes Maplins look threadbare.
The fact that it unlocks the doors when you approach it is handy, but after the pleasure derived from that trick wears off, it all gets a bit tedious.
First thing you notice as you settle into its brilliant high-sided sports seats is that it plays a weird tune. It kicks off with what sounds like the TOP SPEED: MPG: CO2: INS GROUP: intro to Van Halen’s brilliant song Skyscraper, which is also the name of the album.
Trouble is, while David Lee Roth’s lyrics contain words like dramatic, frightening and sonic boom, the Mégane fails to offer much in the form of excitement unless you select Sport mode, which is impossible to live with.
Race
This Van Halen style welcome sound finally turns into a loud, thumping, heartbeat after it gets going.
The whole thing is supposed to tell you that you’re entering a car that will make your heart race with excitement. Well it doesn’t. Worse than that you have to suffer it every time you start the car.
Why didn’t I simply switch it off? Because you can’t, and it means that unsuspecting passengers will be expecting you to reach for your plastic chequered driving gloves that you got as a ninth birthday present before you scream into the distance.
So what’s this terrifying driving experience like? Well before that you have to select your driving mode. Choose from a selection of four, building up from Comfort through Neutral and Personal to Sport.
Comfort mode provides a soothing blue dashboard with a proper speedometer, Neutral is a horrible