IT’S taken me a long time to realise it, but my boyfriend is a tricky person.
He falls out with people all the time and most of the rows he’s involved with are 95% his fault.
He’s just had a major bust-up with his boss and now we don’t know if he’ll still have his job in the New Year.
On top of that he’s refusing to visit his parents on New Year’s Day for lunch because he’s been in conflict with his two sisters since spring.
He says he won’t sit at the same table as them and his dad is accusing him of being a control freak, which is about right.
Sometimes I don’t feel like making love, but force myself to do it so he doesn’t turn on me too.
I’m paranoid about my looks and figure because he often tells me I look ugly or rough.
DOES everyone else think about sex as much as I do? I worry that I’m weird.
Sex is on my mind 24/7. I struggle to get through work as I fantasise about everyone from women on TV to people I fancy in my town.
I see my mates a few times a week and they’re always accusing me of zoning out.
It’s true – I stand in a pub or club and go into a kind of trance imagining making love to any number of females. Even when I’m asleep, my dreams are filled with naked, romping couples.
My girlfriend thinks I’m a regular guy, but my imagination is off the scale. Whenever we’re in bed together, I might well be fondling her, but my mind is a million miles away.
She doesn’t know the real me – and I’m too ashamed to show my real side. We make love every time we meet, but what she doesn’t know is that I use hook-up apps and get off with other women in between.
The other night I went straight from her flat at midnight to a club in town where I found three girls who were willing to play with me. What my girl doesn’t know is that this is my normal behaviour.
No amount of action is ever too much. Sometimes I make out with guys too. I’ve got together with men in public places on my way to work before.
The other thing that’s worrying me is keeping my behaviour a secret from her. Several pals and blokes I work with know about me. At the moment I’m confident none of them would blab.
But what if I have a falling out with someone and my secret life is exposed? I suppose what I’m really saying is that I don’t like the way I’m behaving and need my life to change.
JANE SAYS: Please stop wasting your time and your talents on this deeply unpleasant man.
You can’t spend your life tiptoeing around him. You have to accept you are an important, valid person in your own right.
I suspect he’s wildly insecure and is jealous of everyone around him, but that doesn’t make his childish behaviour acceptable.
Step back and look at how he treats people. If he can’t even get on with his own family, then is there any hope for him?
Think about making 2018 the year you get your mojo back.
Don’t be too scared to walk away and start again elsewhere. JANE SAYS: You put your unsuspecting girlfriend’s sexual health in danger every time you have sex with another woman or man.
That’s neither right nor fair and she doesn’t deserve it. She has to know what she’s dealing with because her health and happiness are at stake here.
Sit her down and explain how much you respect her and how much she means to you.
Tell her that you very much enjoy the intimacy and fun you have together, but she needs to understand that you are not the person she thinks you are as your sex drive is enormous.
Explain that you fear you could be addicted to sex. Tell her about the late-night assignations, the hook-up apps and the other men so there are no more lies.
Tell her you realise you have a problem but that you are seeking the professional help you need. The risk is that you may freak her out, but she deserves some honesty.
Any kind of obsessive behaviour can be helped. Your first call must be to your GP. You need to explain how your addiction to sex is affecting your life.
This is not something that is making you happy and you’d like treatment please.
Check out Sex Addicts Anonymous at saauk.info for more information and details of recovery meetings.