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WHEN he’s sober, my boyfriend is upright and boring. But once he gets a drink inside him, he’s a scream.
So I only fancy making love to him when he’s sozzled – and that hurts his feelings.
We first met at a mutual mate’s wedding. We were on the singles/naughty table at the back of the reception and drank everything in sight. We had a brilliant night of snogging on the dancefloor and sex in my hotel room.
Our dates were all booze-based, but now we’ve been together a while, I find him Dullsville USA.
He has no conversation and takes himself very seriously. He’s only attractive when he’s half-cut. How do I deal with this?
I’M so ashamed of the way I’ve allowed my life to spiral out of control.
Not so long ago I was flying high. I had a lovely boyfriend, good friends and a decent job.
But then I got in with a couple of women at work who were, basically, a bad influence.
They got me into drinking too much and taking party drugs.
Nights out with them were wild – lots of sex and drugs and rock and roll – and my boyfriend soon grew rather sick of me staggering in drunk.
He dumped me after he discovered love bites all over my boobs. I screamed that he did not own me and I could do what I liked. But he walked.
My friends soon followed after I accused one of stealing from me.
Trust
When redundancies came round last March, my name was right at the top of the list because my boss said he could not trust me to turn up on time.
Now I’m facing the loneliest year ever – and I’ve only got myself to blame.
My mum says I’m a disgrace and is flying out to Goa with her girlfriends.
My dad is out in Ibiza and even my sister says that I bore her – the biggest put-down of all.
I used to be the life and soul of every party, but now I can’t even get someone to go out for a drink with me.
I’m friendless, broke and alone. Even my grandma, who’s always been my greatest ally, has told me that she’s not prepared to loan me any more money from now on. In fact, she is insisting that I start paying back the £3,000 which I already owe her.
If I don’t, then she’s going to write me out of her will. How do I turn this around?
JANE SAYS: You need to decide what this guy means to you. Is he a proper boyfriend or is he a crazy drink buddy?
I worry that if you and he can’t get on in normal, sober circumstances, then you’re not suited to each other at all.
If the thought of spending normal time with him fills you with dread, you need to start being honest with him about your true feelings.
Perhaps you need to agree to conduct this relationship on a purely “as and when” basis.
If you’re both up for a laugh then arrange to meet. Would he be happy with that arrangement, or do you need to call it a day?
I just don’t see how a relationship founded on alcohol can (healthily) go the distance. JANE SAYS: When we hit the bottom, we have no choice but to rise up.
At the moment your life is rotten. You’re hugely in debt, your parents and friends are disgusted with you and you’re feeling very sorry for yourself.
Stop looking for excuses and work out how you’re going to start building bridges. This is a new year and new beginning.
Count your blessings – because you do have some – and make a list of everyone you have upset.
Then go and see people individually and apologise for being a brat. Own up to your failings and ask for forgiveness.
Some people will, inevitably, tell you to get stuffed, but you’ll just have to take that on the chin.
Obviously your family are the most important people.
You must hold your hands up and offer to go and see them in order to pay them back and make amends in person. Your grandma, in particular, needs special reassurance that you’re serious about turning things around.
In short, you must swallow your pride, pay the price for your crimes and learn from this.
I’m not pretending that any of this is going to be easy, but what is the alternative?
You owe it to yourself to make the most of the opportunities that life throws at you.
Get out there, live every new day and change your luck before you get very much older.