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I INVITED my oldest friend to Christmas dinner and now she’s stolen my husband.
He says he can’t help it – he took one look at her over the turkey and fell headlong in love.
This weekend he moves out and won’t be back. He’s utterly convinced things will work out with her and that he and I don’t have any kind of future. I’m gutted.
He only met her for the first time on Christmas morning. She’s been living in Australia since we left university but we always kept in touch.
Her brother tells me that her life is Australia had already collapsed and she was looking for a fresh start, but how dare she?
INSTEAD of surprising me with an engagement ring for Christmas my boyfriend shocked me with terrible news.
He told me he got married back in his home country to please his uncles, but swears we can still be an item.
His marriage means nothing, he insists. It’s a formality with a girl from his uncles’ village. But I feel insulted and stuffed.
He says there are no plans to bring his new wife here because she is involved with caring for her elderly parents and so I have nothing to worry about.
Stupid
It’s all a complicated business arrangement. He says he didn’t consummate the marriage and that there is no real love between them because she’s more like a childhood friend to him.
I just don’t get this. I feel stupid and humiliated. He claims we can carry on as before, that he’ll come round to my place and we’ll make love and maybe even try for a baby. But how is that going to work? Surely they will be together in the end?
How can the marriage be legal if they haven’t had sex and can I honestly trust a single word that he says?
He and I have been together for three years. We have been on holiday together, share interests and act like a proper couple.
My parents adore him and know nothing of this scandal. It would break their hearts to hear that I’m not going to marry him any day soon. How dare he cheat me out of my future? He urges me to calm down and says I’m making a big deal of nothing.
But how can my man suddenly announcing that he’s married to someone else be “nothing”.
I can’t bring myself to make love to him even though he’s pestering me for sex all the time and insists that I’m being unreasonable when I push him away.
JANE SAYS: Keep your cool and retain your dignity. Your man needs to be told you aren’t going to collapse in a fit of hysterics because he’s lost his head.
Believe me, he’s not thinking straight right now so a reasonable conversation between you isn’t possible.
If he genuinely does believe a woman he’s just met is the love of his life, then he needs to take himself away somewhere
If and when he is calmer, you and he can have a sensible talk regarding your future.
I understand you feel shocked and let down, but don’t allow them to bring you down.
I’m sure that your true friends will be more than willing to help.
Remember that your husband is the real culprit here because you’re married to him and not your (former) college friend. JANE SAYS: It doesn’t matter how much gloss your man puts on this situation, the fact is he’s married.
The game is up and you’re out of the picture. Don’t allow him to continue to use you.
He needs to take on his full responsibilities and you need to admit defeat and walk away with your head held high.
This man may well fancy the idea of enjoying the best of both worlds, but that cannot happen because you have your pride and your self-respect to consider here.
I have a suspicion that you are probably not being told the full story.
I suspect that this guy is being economical with the truth in order to protect his interests. Did his family really trick him into this marriage?
I think perhaps he’s known all along that, one day, he would be expected to marry his wife and that you are getting the edited highlights.
What you absolutely cannot do is ever have sex with him again; having a baby would be a disaster. Face it, he’s not the person you thought and he’s let you down.
Start tomorrow with a clean sheet. Tell your parents the truth and allow yourself to be comforted and supported by them.