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I CAME home from work to find my oldest friend having sex with a stranger on my sitting room carpet.
She then had the nerve to scream at me to “get out”.
Minutes later, she ranted that I’d come home early and spoiled everything.
Where do we go from here? She’s been living with me (rent-free) since the break up of her last relationship in October.
She has her own room, so God knows why she wasn’t in there.
Now she’s in a strop with me and is accusing me of being disrespectful.
I’m nervous about leaving her alone as I work away a lot and wonder who is she going to bring back next?
I don’t know how to bring up the subject without losing it.
MY sister has fallen out with our parents over money.
Now she’s insisting I take her side against them.
She wants them to give her another £10,000 on top of the £20,000 she got last year. She argues that they owe us.
Both of them worked full-time throughout the whole of our childhoods. We had a series of neighbours, nannies and strangers looking after us.
She screams that we were neglected and virtually abandoned because they were both so selfish and career driven.
Stress
As a consequence of their jobs, they’re now loaded and she believes it’s payback time. She is putting a huge amount of pressure on me to join her in lobbying them for cash.
I’m torn, embarrassed and feel sick with stress. I agree with her that they haven’t always been the best parents in the world. While they jetted around on business, we only had each other.
They didn’t attend school parents’ evenings or plays because they weren’t interested. I once had the lead part in the end of year school production and my mother didn’t even wish me “good luck” even though she was in the country at the time.
The difference between my sister and myself is that I can forgive and forget, but she really can’t. She’s full of resentment, bitterness and bile.
Today our parents are elderly. I don’t have much to do with them, but my sister is demanding her pound of flesh.
My mother rang me the other day. She said she feels intimidated and threatened by my sister. She’s asked me to call her off, but what can I do when I’m caught in the middle and can see both sides of the argument?
My parents were disappointing, but I have my own money and don’t need handouts in the same way my sister does.
JANE SAYS: Your friend is clearly getting above herself and is taking you for a fool.
You offered her a place to stay when she found herself homeless and now she is taking liberties.
She owes you an apology as she acted inappropriately and crossed a line.
If she’s too ashamed, or immature, to admit that, then sit her down and tell her you need to sort this out.
Tell her how shocked and disappointed you are and put down house rules.
Hopefully, she’ll say sorry and you’ll be able to start again. If she doesn’t, you’ll have to show her the door.
I think she also owes you some back rent! JANE SAYS: You cannot allow your sister to drag you down.
You need to make it clear to her that this is not about taking sides. You’re not children anymore and you refuse to be manipulated or backed into a corner.
It’s very sad that she and your parents are in conflict. It’s never pleasant when families come to blows and those dreaded “home truths” rear their ugly heads.
But you must be free to move on if you want to. No-one is arguing with the fact that your mother and father haven’t been perfect parents, but very few people are blessed with an absolutely blissful family life.
Most of us make allowances, duck and dive and get along the best we can.
If your sister has serious financial problems, then why doesn’t she speak to your parents in a reasonable manner?
Could you offer to mediate? To set up a meeting at a neutral location? Alternatively, how can you help her to get her spending back on track? What about checking out nationaldebtline.org?
Sadly, family feuds are exhausting and if you feel that your sister is in danger of grinding you down, then you need to step back and take back control of your life.