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cup holders. Other neat treats include a sturdy decent sized ice scraper tucked into the fuel filler space, a parking ticket holder on the side of the windscreen, door mirrors that fold in when the car is locked, an air conditioned glove box, strong pull-out twin luggage hooks, removable torches on each side of the boot and even an umbrella under the passenger seat.

However, I’ve saved the top one for my Tasty Touches section.

Meanwhile, the boot is massive. It’s 3ft 6in deep before you pull the switches in the back to fold down the rear seats. That turns the boot into a near flat 6ft 6in deep luggage bay perfect ENGINE: TOP SPEED: MPG: CO2: INS GROUP: 29. for hauling home your goodies from Ikea. Every time I visit that store I come home with twice as much stuff as I need. Yep, there’s nothing for Badge Berk to say: “What do you expect, it’s a Skoda” when you inspect the interior of the vRS and the same goes for the bits you can’t see.

VW’s 2.0-litre turbo found in the current vRS has been beefed up from 230 to 245hp while torque rises from 350Nm (259lb) to 370Nm (273lb) and although top speed remains the same limited 155mph, the 0-62mph time falls from 6.8s to 6.4s and it is noticeably quicker in mid-range.

Brick

For such a big car it handles remarkably well but driving it isn’t completely perfect. Despite having four driving modes, economy, comfort, sport and individual, a less than perfect road surface upsets it far too easily, while potholes produced a noise like hitting a brick and a steering wheel jolt that can only mean one thing – you’re driving on 19-inch alloys with wafer thin 245/35 low profile that give it all the delicacy of sledgehammer.

Skoda says they’ll continue producing the vRS 230 alongside the 245, but the 245 is so brilliant I can’t see a future for the lower powered model. If it survives it will have done well.

Still, once true idiots like the poor child’s self-obsessed parents get near enough to read its badge they’ll run a mile and never, ever, get their hands on it. Ha ha. Dazzling LED projector headlights in thin 1ft 6in wide units sit between bright black 14-bar grille and above a three-piece spoiler. Definitely menacing. BACKSIDE BEAUTY: Highly visible spoiler, twin shoe-size nine exhausts on each side sit below a huge four feet long tailgate that make the whole thing a mix of menace and practicality. Pretty though? Not really. Touch screen sat-nav, twin-zone climate control, trip computer, heated electric front seats with memory for driver, heated door mirrors with blind spot warning, all round parking sensors, headlight washers, auto lights and wipers, DAB stereo with twin USB ports, SD-Card, Apple CarPlay, Mirrorlink and Android Auto. So called “map pockets” on the backs of the front seats are both big enough to hold two bottles of wine without being stretched.Yippee. NAUGHTY NIGGLES: Radio is completely silenced when you reverse and it takes a while to come back on. Fully deserving of its vRS rally sport badge, this Octavia proves to be a real eye-opener. WONGA WONDER: Fantastic value for money. It makes you wonder why VW bother making more expensive models. Chantelle’s boyfriend thought it was his lucky night when she asked him to pull into a layby. Instead she said: “I’ll drive now, you nutcase.”

Did they hell. Instead of wrapping him up warm and keeping him at home, they were so busy playing with their phones they didn’t even talk to him. Now I’m coughing my guts out, probably along with everyone else in the carriage that morning.No wonder I can barely read the sales brochure Skoda sent me at the start of the week, along with a fantastic Octavia vRS 245 to go with it. Mind you, I did spot the bit that said: “Now it’s your turn to make a statement.”Well, much as I want to make a statement about the unfortunate boy’s parents, I’m not going to, but I hope that people like them are never, ever, going to be fortunate enough to own a vRS 245.Quite simply, it’s too good for them. Judging from the labels on their clothes they were obvious Badge Berks who’d rather have a second hand badge than a new car.You wouldn’t even get them into a Skoda showroom so they couldn’t see that the vRS 245 is beautifully made and fanastically well equipped.And, of course, by not driving it they wouldn’t know that it’s surprisingly quick with handling to match.The interior is an extremely smart mix of soft touch trim around the doors and dashboard, lots of piano black, silver capped switches, a brilliant touch-screen sat-nav and radio system and Alcantara trimmed seats.At night thin light strips high up across the doors give off an electric blue glow and I particularly liked the clever foam backed smartphone holder sitting in one of its twin Skoda Octavia vRS 245. PRICE (on the road): £28,985. Range from: £17,195. 1,984cc, all alloy 16-valve turbo with DOHC and variable valve timing (245hp, 370Nm/273lb torque). 155mph; 0-62mph: 6.4s. Urban: 34.0; extra urban: 53.3; combined: 44.1. 146g/km. £140 pa road tax. First year £200. Skoda Octavia vRS 245. REAR MIRROR MONSTER: PLAYTIME PLEASER: TASTY TOUCHES: FAST OR LAST: WOULD CHANTELLE LIKE IT?