Only way rivals can mask their fear of Pep
CITY HAVE FLIPPED THE SCRIPT THIS SEASON
WITH Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City leaving all of their title rivals trailing in their wake this season, here is how an imagined meeting of Jose Mourinho, Antonio Conte and Arsene Wenger might have gone at the end of 2017.
JOSE MOURINHO: “Good to see you Toni, AW. Now, about this guy Guardiola, who’s making us all look so second rate.
“I’ve got a brilliant idea how we can distract everyone from the fact they’re so far ahead of us, particularly your lot, Arsene!”
ARSENE WENGER: “Look, Jose, I thought we’d called a truce.”
JM: “Apologies Arsene, mon ami, old habits die hard. But that’s basically my plan – we all start slagging each other off to the press.”
ANTONIO CONTE: “Never mind the press, I’ve got Roman on my back. Do you really think it will work, Jose?”
JM: “Always has done in the past when I’ve lost a game. This is even bigger, though, because City are embarrassing us.”
AW: “I like the idea, but I’ve got a cunning plan of my own involving referees.”
AC: “Jose, usually it’s you who gets nasty, how about I do it this time? You can kick if off with something fairly innocent.”
JM: “How about I have a dig about how you keep jumping around on the touchline. By the way, where do you get all that energy from, Toni?” AC: “I’m not as old as you Jose... Yes, that’s it – why don’t I claim you’ve ‘demenza senile’ – you know what it means amico mio from your time in Italian.” JM: “Like it, Toni, like it a lot. Then if you do it on the Friday of our FA Cup game, I can hit back straight away that night. Okay to bring up the match-fixing?” AC: “Fine with me, I was cleared any way. Just I’d rather you didn’t mention the hair transplants if that’s okay.” JM: “Yes, and my tax fraud case – would appreciate it if you steered clear of that as well.” AC: “No problem. As for you Arsene, I’d better say something about you or it will look strange. Okay to mention your age?” AW: “Look, I am 68, so it’s hardly a shocking revelation.” JM: “You’ll be lucky if you get 68 points this season.” AW: “Jose! Remember the truce.” JM: “Sorry, Arsene, now tell us what are you going to do to distract everyone from how City are already champions and it’s not even January.” AW: “Well, it’s not a new one – I’m going to declare war on referees. “We’ve got Mike Dean coming up and I can bank on him making a cock-up. “Reckon I’ll get myself another touchline ban, not worried about the fine, though, after that contract I signed last summer!” JM: “Well, that’s us sorted for now. Shall we get the menu and the wine list? “Think we might need a few if we’re to come up with more creative ways to keep this smokescreen going.”