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OUR sex life is a non-starter because my partner and I are never in the mood for love at the same time.
I’m a morning person and always wake up early raring to go.
Unfortunately, she sleeps in until 10am, before starting long shifts as a call centre supervisor.
I play a lot of sports at weekends. If she’s not working, then she sees her friends and family.
Her parents have a holiday caravan, which she likes to visit as much as possible.
We both complain that the other is selfish.
We are in love, but how do we stop ourselves from drifting apart?
The last time we made love (before Christmas) it was fantastic, but since then we’ve both had terrible flu and everything has begun to slide again. I’M sick of holding our relationship together.
It feels as though I’m the only one making any effort.
Every time my girl and I argue, I back down, I apologise. I tell her that she’s right and I’m sorry.
Around the house, I’m the one tidying up, cooking the food and keeping the place clean.
If my partner isn’t sprawled on the sofa with a bottle of wine in her hand, then she’s in the bath or in bed.
It’s left to me to pay the bills too and I’ve had enough. I still love and fancy my girl as much as ever, but if I didn’t put myself out then we’d be living in squalor.
JANE SAYS: Clearly something has to give if this relationship is to be rescued.
I suggest you and your partner sit down and thrash out a solution.
Could she cut down on her hours in the week, while you give up some of your weekend sporting commitments?
Would she consent to one early morning love making session?
It could be that you’d also benefit from putting unbreakable date nights and sex dates in the diary.
I fear that unless you start making your sex life a priority again, then it will wither on the vine – along with your relationship.
Trip
She works for a large firm and I get it that she’s busy and important. But she never rings or texts me during the day.
She says she forgets. The other week she went on a business trip for two nights. I had no idea that she was going away and honestly thought something terrible had happened to her.
Eventually, I managed to get her boss on the phone and he confirmed that five of them were in a hotel in Leeds schmoozing some new customers.
I could hear whooping in the background and later accused her of having sex with the man who pays her wages.
She went mad and now our relationship is in an even worse shape than usual.
When I tell her that I feel like a spare part, she tells me not to be so daft. It’s very upsetting that I’m not her first priority any more. When we first got together, she just couldn’t keep her hands off me.
But, in the past few months, things have definitely cooled an awful lot. She’s taking me for granted and treating me like a piece of furniture.
Can we come back from this or do I need to claw back my selfrespect and admit that we’ve gone about as far as we’re ever going to go and move on?
JANE SAYS:Your partner needs to hear that you have needs and feelings too. Of course she’s busy and important and all the rest of it, but your home isn’t somewhere where she can simply flop and take advantage.
She has to understand that successful relationships are a work in progress.
She needs to remember about give and take and pulling her weight. Use this weekend to finally have this out with her. Calmly explain that things have started to drift and that you don’t like the situation you find yourselves in.
Going off to Leeds without telling you in advance was inconsiderate at least and downright cruel at most. Remind her that you care about her and need to know where you stand.
Does she understand that if you stop making an effort, then this relationship will collapse? Does she want that?
Is this inactivity of hers, her cowardly way of pushing you aside? She had plenty of energy when you first met – what went wrong? Is she ill or depressed or in need of a doctor?
Don’t let her get away with treating you this shabbily because this is crunch time. She has to understand that you are not her slave.