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MY rampant new wife wants sex far more often than I do.
This is her first marriage and my third. I’m quite a bit older than her and she accuses me of slowing down.
I love to go to bed with her, but often end up feeling as though she’s using me for her own gratification.
She regularly demands intercourse two or three times a night and I struggle to keep up.
What can I do when I’m just not as driven as she is?
The other weekend we went away and it was a total disaster.
I was exhausted (I think I had a touch of flu) and all I wanted to do was sleep.
But she wouldn’t keep her hands off me and we ended up rowing.
I PREFER porn to sex – it’s much less trouble. Does that make me a loser and a weirdo?
My last long-term relationship ended in October. It wasn’t pretty.
My ex-girlfriend had become controlling and bossy and even though I tried to tell her that I didn’t like being ordered about, she refused to leave me alone.
Eventually we had a massive row in a supermarket car park after she bawled me out for buying a pack of chewing gum.
It was the final straw. I screamed at her and walked away. She called me for weeks begging for a second chance but I refused to give in.
Trouble
Christmas was horrible with her sending me vile texts and emails. Now I’ve taken solace in online porn and have never been happier.
I can’t imagine myself ever getting into a relationship again. Girlfriends are more trouble than they’re worth whereas porn never lets me down.
I only have to pick up my phone or laptop for instant gratification. I guess that I access my favourite sites about 10 times a day.
Some people might consider that an addiction, but I don’t think I’ve got a problem because I’m having fun and don’t have anyone to answer to.
What I have now is total freedom. In my mind I can be and do anything I like. I’m a player and I’m always in control.
There are no taboos and no arguments. What’s not to like about any of that? The only people I’m dreading seeing in the future are my immediate family.
We’re all due at my sister’s house soon for a family gathering. I know I’ll get my ear bent about my single status.
I’m strongly tempted to tell the whole lot of them the absolute truth – that I’m getting the best sex of my life – with myself. Dare I go there?
JANE SAYS: Sit down with your wife away from the bedroom and talk about this.
Your relationship is new so it’s going to take a while to sort everything out.
Couples in your position often consider a sex contract. These usually work by you deciding whether you have sex on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, while she gets Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Sunday is either a day of rest or up for grabs.
Alternatively, you could book to see a sex therapist through Relate (relate.org.uk) to talk things through with a third party and pick up practical tips.
If you’re not physically or mentally well, then do speak to your GP too. JANE SAYS: There’s a time and a place for everything and I don’t think a family gathering is an appropriate place to come clean about your porn habit. I suggest you speak to your sister soonish and tell her you don’t want anyone discussing your private life.
She and your family need to understand you are an adult and an individual. You are entitled to a private life and you don’t have to justify that to anyone.
Warn her that if anyone dares to overstep the mark then you will have to consider walking out. Is that what she wants?
Regarding my own personal views regarding your situation, I have to confess that I’m rather concerned about this corner that you seem to have backed yourself into. If you’re checking out porn up to 10 times a day and don’t fancy having sex with a real woman, could it be that you are addicted and need to speak to your GP about your obsessive behaviour?
Are you seriously saying you’re never going to have sex with another human being ever again and that you’re genuinely happy about the way your life is panning out?
Please keep an open mind and just see who comes along in future. Your bossy ex-girlfriend didn’t represent the whole of humankind.