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MY sister hates our mother and hasn’t spoken to her for two years.
She’s angry because Mum once criticised her brat of a daughter.
My brother hates our father because he won’t give him any money and refuses to be in the same room as him.
Meanwhile, our granny is dying of cancer and I’m the only person who speaks to everyone.
Now my sister is putting pressure on me to shun my mother too because she feels I’m being disloyal every time I see our mum for coffee. I hate this.
My brother has already said he won’t attend our granny’s funeral if my dad (her son) is there.
Consequently, granny is deeply upset too. I feel like piggy in the middle and I’m sick of my siblings and relatives constantly ringing me up to find out what the latest gossip is.
How do I stop my head from exploding?
I’M terrified that my beautiful new girl is going to cheat on me.
She’s absolutely gorgeous – way out of my usual league and my mates keep telling me I’m punching above my weight.
She says she loves me, she says I’m funny and cute, but I find it very hard to trust as I’ve been badly let down in the past.
Our sex life is electric. She’s up for all sorts of kinky moves and has taught me a trick or two. But the minute we part, my head starts to spin.
Imagining her out with one of her ex-boyfriends or getting off with a stranger in a club, I get myself into a right old state.
Jealous
I can’t stand it when she goes out with her sister and their mates and even get jealous when she says she’s going to see her mum. I hate myself for being like this, and she insists I can trust her 100%. But can I? Really?
My last girlfriend told me I could trust her, then went off with her married boss. The girl before that was seeing another bloke the whole time she was with me and then went mad when I found out via social media.
I ring, text and email my new girl all day just to check that she’s still mine.
The other Saturday she told me she was going to London to see an old friend. I was so worried that I put on a flat cap and dark glasses and followed her. True enough, she met a mate, they went for a pizza and then a look around the shops. I was lucky not to be spotted and got home exhausted. The next day she sent me a message saying she was worried she was being stalked.
How do I begin to tell her that stalker might be me? That I’m so paranoid that I spent a whole day diving in and out of shop doors? Am I going crazy?
JANE SAYS: You have to be your own person. You have to make it clear to all family members you won’t be manipulated or pushed around.
If they want to have private wars, then that’s up to them, but you won’t be drafted in on any side.
In an ideal world you’d get them all in one room, knock their heads together and tell them to get over themselves.
Is that an option? Would your parents or siblings listen to you?
It’s very sad that your brother feels he’s entitled to cash and that your sister gets upset when her child is criticised, but surely life is just too short for feuds?
Plus why should your granny be made to suffer in the last stages of her precious life? JANE SAYS: This has got to stop. Listen to yourself. Dark glasses? Flat caps? Concealed doorways? You’re behaving like a fool.
You’ve got to stop these stunts before your girl finds you out and brands you a nightmare and a liability. She is entitled to go out with her friends without you chasing her in the shadows.
Who do you think you are? You don’t own her and you are not entitled to invade her personal space.
Unless you calm down, then you’re in danger of losing her completely. My suspicion is that she spotted you within the first five minutes on that day, that she was aware of you the whole time and has only mentioned a stalker as a way of giving you one, final chance to clean up your act. Take this second chance and grow up. You can’t drive yourself mad imagining something that might happen, because it might not.
Start having some pride and self-respect. If you don’t love yourself then how can you expect her to love you in return?
I fully get it that we often feel insecure at the beginning of a relationship. But you have to prove to her she has someone exciting and sexy to come back to.
Speak to your GP if you’re struggling to cope and do something about your feelings of insecurity before you self-destruct.