Elkj e\`^_Yfli nXekj dp Yf[p
?\ n`cc efk ^`m\ lg cfm\i @kËj aljk * ifdgj X p\Xi
FOR the past four years I’ve begged my partner to give up his lover but he simply will not.
He stays with this harridan (an ex-college friend) twice a week. He has clothes, toiletries and gadgets at her place.
It breaks my heart imagining the two of them having sex.
She’s no looker, but she is incredibly academic and clever, which makes me feel about six inches tall.
I’ve met her a dozen times at weddings and she simply looks down her nose at me.
He says it’s complicated. He can’t just walk away because they share so much history.
But none of this is fair on me.
Any time I dare to challenge him he bats me away. How can he be so cruel? MY next-door neighbour has the hots for me.
She thinks I fancy her and that we have a future together.
This woman keeps popping in with bottles of wine, homemade dishes and DVDs for us to watch.
A couple of weeks back I had a date in here for the evening and my neighbour threw a strop.
She had let herself in through the back door as usual (even though I’ve asked her not to) and caught me kissing my date on the sofa. Thank God we weren’t having sex!
She stood in front of us and screamed: “What on earth do you think you’re playing at?” as if I’m her property.
I ordered her to leave and she slammed the backdoor so hard the glass shattered.
The next night she came round in tears begging my forgiveness. She handed me £200 for the glass and virtually offered herself to me on a plate.
I politely declined, but even that embarrassing incident hasn’t put her off.
She’s now talking about us going away on a dirty weekend in order to “get to know each other better” i.e. have sex. I can’t think of anything worse.
She’s a nice enough woman but I’m just not interested. I don’t think she can get past the fact that I’m a single, relatively successful guy and living in a big house on my own.
How am I supposed to let her down gently when she is actually very lonely after the death of her partner in 2013?
She’s raw and vulnerable and desperate for someone to love. But I’m not that someone. I’m happy being single and dating the people I fancy on my own terms. Maybe that doesn’t fit in with her agenda, but that’s the way it is.
I don’t feel that I can do anything without her noticing.
I don’t want to make an enemy of anyone as I grew up in a house with nightmare neighbours on both sides of us and my mother virtually had a nervous breakdown as a result.
JANE SAYS: Your partner sounds like a selfish monster.
He knows that you’re suffering, yet he continues to ride roughshod over your feelings.
He has to understand you are not prepared to go on like this.
This is the moment you put your foot down and tell him “enough”.
How much more humiliation does he expect you to take?
Make it clear that this is a potential relationship breaker.
Sadly, if he won’t give her up, then does he need to move out while you both think about where you go from here?
Don’t allow his lover to intimidate you because you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. JANE SAYS: Nothing gives anyone the right to overstep the mark. You must level with her – face-toface – about your true feelings, because if you’re definitely not interested in a romance then she needs to hear that. And sooner rather than later.
What she must understand is that you are not in the market for a new lover. If she’s looking for sex and romance, then she’s barking up the wrong tree.
Apologise if she feels you have given her the wrong impression, but this is your position.
If she can’t respect or understand where you’re coming from then you can have nothing more to do with each other. If this woman is prepared to simply be your friend, then you start again from here.
However, she has to understand that you won’t be bullied.
I don’t think you should move, but you should be ready to speak to a solicitor – or even the police – if this woman does go on to become a serious nuisance.
Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.
Can you actually help in finding someone new of her own? Do you have any single pals she might be interested in?