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MY girlfriend often complains I’m boring and unambitious.
She says our sex life is dull and that our daily life is mundane.
Everything is my fault because I’ve got no imagination. Often, after I’ve climaxed, she’ll roll over and snort: “I don’t know why you bother.”
Recently she announced she no longer wants to be in a full-time relationship with me.
But I’m not allowed to date anyone else and need to stick around to service her sexual needs.
In other words, she wants me for sex but nothing else.
Friends have warned me she’s become very close to a married colleague who gives her special treatment but isn’t prepared to leave his wife and kids. How can she treat me like this?
I’M not even sure I love the girl nagging me to marry her.
She’s on at me to agree a date and is keen on September 1.
I suggested September 1, 2026, and was only half joking.
She complains of being left behind as she’s sick of watching her mates march up and down the aisle while she’s still single, but is it my job to tick her boxes for her?
I’m not even convinced that we actually love each other.
Romantic
I like her, but we only meet up once a week.
I am sporty and love hanging out with my pals, while she is extremely close to her mum and sisters.
For Valentine’s Day she texted me, “Go to Hell”, which is her shorthand for “I love you”, while I texted back: “I hope you die soon”.
That’s our shorthand and how we talk to each other.
On the rare occasions we have sex, we don’t exactly set the bed on fire.
I can’t imagine what living with her full-time would be like, as we don’t like the same food, films or sports.
She does her thing and I do mine. Whenever I go away with work, she doesn’t even call me.
We never row, fall out or disagree, but then we never get passionate either. I fear her reason for getting married isn’t a romantic one – it’s purely practical.
She says that if we become man and wife, then we can get a place together and split the bills. Two can live as cheaply as one and it’ll be “easier”. Plus she quite fancies a big, white wedding.
I can feel myself drifting into a marriage that I don’t really want and she’s only planning because she thinks she should. Are we both deluding each other?
JANE SAYS: It sounds like your girlfriend is goading you into ending this relationship because she’s too cowardly to show you the door.
From her hurtful demands to her indiscreet relationship with her colleague, she’s deliberately rubbing your face in the dirt.
I suggest you start standing up for yourself.
Tell her that you’re not prepared to indulge her ego; either you’re a proper couple who love, respect and care for each other or you’re off.
She can’t presume to use you as her sexual plaything. I get the impression that this woman is someone who is used to stamping her foot down and getting her own way. Unless you start stamping yours too, your girlfriend will treat you any way she likes. JANE SAYS: At the moment you and your girlfriend have separate lives and different patterns.
She’s quite happy not seeing you for days or even weeks at a time and you’re in the same boat.
Yes, it would be so easy for you to sleepwalk into marriage with her. After all, you know each other so well and your relationship is very established.
But I can’t honestly see such a marriage working or lasting.
By talking about a big wedding your girlfriend has bought things to a head.
You’re being forced to confront the future and consider your true feelings for her.
She’s making it clear she’s not prepared to coast along for much longer. She wants a wedding, new home and commitment.
So you may not have too much in common, but the message is that the time is right. Is that really good enough for you?.
Be honest with her because you both deserve to find (new) partners who will make your hearts race and your lives complete.
Admit that you’ve both come to a crucial crossroads and decide where you both go from here.
I can’t believe that she is any happier than you. If she’s spending so much time with her family, is she already half way out the door on her way to a new life?
You have to discuss this and then much, much more.