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ON only our fourth date my new girlfriend said she had a proposal for me.
Was I interested in giving up my flat and my job and becoming her househusband?
I’d been moaning about how much I hate my flat share and my boss and she pounced.
She gushed that it would be the perfect solution. I could support her while she concentrates on her high-flying career.
She’s now given me a month to think about it. I’m flattered but is this all too much too soon?
When we go out in a crowd she only speaks to me. She’s not interested in my friends or family and constantly whispers in my ear. My mates say she’s weird. Is she too intense?
The fact is that if I give up everything for her, then I’ll have a really easy life.
I FEAR my mate is being conned online.
She’s always been a trusting, gullible person.
In the past she has lost money on a pyramid selling scheme and a fake charity scam.
Now she’s boasting about a new boyfriend and I’ve got a horrible feeling about this. I want to protect her, but she’s adamant that she knows what she’s doing.
She’s gushing about a gorgeous man in America. Apparently he’s a widow. He’s rich, successful and simply crazy about her.
So far, so predictable. They’ve not actually met – or spoken – because he has a 12-year-old daughter who is jealous of him speaking to other women.
Cash
So, every night, my friend and he message each other. They talk dirty, have cyber sex and generally get their rocks off.
She’s shown me a framed picture, but it looks fake to me. She’s spending hours on her laptop and refuses to come out and mix with her friends, which upsets me a lot because we’ve always been close and she’s leaving me hanging.
She’s admitted that he has problems with ready cash because his late wife’s estate is tied up in the Cayman Islands.
So, in the past few months, she’s sent him funds for his daughter’s education and his tax bill.
I can’t believe this. Several times I’ve hinted her dreamboat could actually be a confidence trickster based hundreds of miles away, but she won’t have it.
The other day we had a heated row during which she accused me of being jealous of her new partner, of always wanting to spoil her happiness, and being smug and judgmental.
It’s not like that at all, but I’m not the one being blinded by lust. I fear she’s being taken advantage of and that makes me very angry.
What can I do to save her?
JANE SAYS: Easy life? I don’t think so.
I suspect your feisty girlfriend will want more than a pound of flesh in return for feeding and housing you.
“Househusband” means someone who takes care of all the domestic arrangements. Is that something that interests you?
You can’t allow her to overwhelm you. She sounds very full on. In a short time, she’s decided that she wants to take over your whole life.
I hate the idea of you giving up your job and your flat, because these things give you independence and freedom.
Step back and stop being blinded. Listen to your friends and family and be strong. This is your future at stake here. JANE SAYS: Upsettingly, you’re friend’s story is all too familiar.
Vulnerable individuals across the globe are lured in and exploited by unscrupulous con artists who use every trick in the book to woo and then fleece. The sad truth is that your friend is deluded and is chasing a dream.
Left to his own devices, her scammer won’t stop until he has robbed her of every penny in her possession.
She’s now invested so much in this dream, from her cash to her credibility, that her pride won’t allow her to admit that something smells wrong.
If she won’t listen to you, then is there someone else you could ask to speak to her? A lawyer friend? Policeman? GP? Someone she’ll listen to and respect? The reality is that she’s the victim here and she needs protecting.
Empathise with her. Tell her that you realise that she’s embarrassed because she’s in way over her head, but beg her to wake up.
Ultimately, she’s got to end this pantomime now and report this villain to the authorities.
Warn her that this con artist will try to make her feel guilty and responsible, but it’s all part of the wicked game.
Then vow to support her in putting her life back together again and finding genuine love in the future.