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MY husband’s family expect us to visit them every summer
This is now becoming harder each year as his parents are old and not very mobile.
I do everything I normally do at home: cooking, shopping, washing, cleaning, but in a horrible house.
I don’t want to go this summer and it’s leading to rows with my husband who simply expects me to fit in with his plans.
Also, I’m sick of his sister coming over and staying for weeks at a time. All she wants to do is go shopping – and expects me to go with her.
When I suggest my husband visits his folks on his own he accuses me of being selfish.
My dad died at the end of last year and “selfish” sounds very pleasant from where I’m sitting.
I’M worried about a good friend who wants to give up everything for a sexy stranger she met online.
I worry she’s being taken for a ride and that he’s going to rip her off and leave her heartbroken.
She’s married with teenage children and, if I’m honest, going through a bit of a mid-life crisis.
She and I became mates when we used to work together.
I’m married myself, but she and I have always clicked.
My pal and I talk every day. Apparently, the object of her desire lives in Canada and is a “hunk”.
Bored
They have cybersex virtue of Skype and romp for hours.
I think she’s being so stupid and taking terrible risks. I agree that her husband can be annoying; he works away a lot and she often finds herself lonely and bored.
But he doesn’t deserve this. Equally, her teenage children are selfish and lazy, but isn’t that the nature of teenagers?
Plus, they won’t be around forever as both are going to university in September.
She keeps saying that she needs me to support her. She begs me not to judge her or get in her way, but this is all such a burden.
The latest thing is that she wants me to lend her a large sum of money for her air fare and living expenses in Canada.
She’s got it into her head she doesn’t want to be a financial burden on her new lover. Can I help her out with £20,000, which she’ll definitely pay back once her mother dies?
Yes, I do have the money in savings, as she knows, but what has any of this got to do with me?
Things are further complicated by the fact that my wife can’t stand my mate; she calls her an “attention-seeking drama queen” so this nonsense is having a bad effect on my marriage, too.
JANE SAYS: Your husband needs to hear that you’re having a rough time and need some peace and quiet.
Losing your father must have been a terrible blow and you are entitled to reflect and grieve.
If visiting his folks again will be too much, then put your foot down. Tell him you’re really sorry, but your mental health comes first.
There’s nothing to stop his sister and other family members making alternative arrangements, because you’ve more than done your bit.
As for his sister’s visits, she’s got to have it explained to her that you have commitments.
She’s welcome to come and stay if she helps around the house and then keeps out of your hair. You have to know your limits. JANE SAYS: You’ve got to stop your friend from making the biggest mistake of her life.
Maybe she has had her head turned by her Canadian admirer, but he could be a complete loser for all she knows.
All sorts of losers lurk on the Internet. He might be telling her one rose-tinted version of his lifestyle, while the complete opposite is true. Canada is a very big place, what if she gets out there and he’s told her a pack of lies about his wealth and situation?
Come clean with her and tell her that her big plan stinks.
Her own children and husband may not be perfect, but they deserve much better than this.
If she’s having problems then she needs to talk to her bloke, not flee the country on a midnight flit. As for her children; they’re still growing teens with all the insecurities and vulnerabilities the teenage years bring.
She’s their mother and she needs to accept her responsibilities. Tell her today that you’re not prepared to loan her any money, because you care for her.
The woman needs to seek help and start dealing with the problems in her life. You’ve also got to start protecting your own relationship, too. At the moment, you’re pushing your wife to her limits and that’s not fair.