DXk\Ëj X eXjkp g`\Z\ f] nfib
J\o gXc nfeËk Zfdd`k J?<ËJ LG =FI N@C; G8IK@<J
I’M obsessed with a guy from my college.
We’ve had sex about 10 times but I don’t know where I stand with him. Is he my boyfriend? We hook up whenever we find ourselves in the same club or bar.
We have a laugh and a dance and then he comes back here where he invariably spends the night. But he’s never actually “asked me out”.
I made the mistake of mentioning him to my mother and now she keeps asking when she’s going to meet him.
I don’t think he sleeps with anyone else and I certainly don’t. It frustrates me that my life is in limbo.
If he’s not interested in me, then maybe I should find someone who is?
But how will I find out? I don’t want to risk upsetting him by forcing the issue.
What if I ask him out and he turns me down?
MY oldest friend is an extremely nasty person.
It’s taken me a long time to realise (and accept) this but she’s a monster. For years she’s used me. She’s married, but she’s had affair after affair since her 2007 wedding. From one-night stands to flings with bosses and colleagues, she’s always on the lookout for wild sex parties – and I’m her tried and tested alibi.
Any time she’s out with another man she pretends she’s with me.
Her husband jokes that we’re closer than conjoined twins, but he has no idea what she’s like.
Thrills
The fact is that all she cares about is having a good time.
From wild sex parties with other couples to sordid nights in hotel rooms with strangers off the street, she’s a thrill-seeker.
She’s self-obsessed and vain too, the one time I dared to challenge her she nearly bit my head off. She accused me of being jealous and judgemental.
At the moment I’m dating a wonderful man who treats me so well. The contrast is staggering.
The other night my mate texted me and I started running around like a headless chicken as usual.
My guy looked at me and said: “What are you playing at? Why are you still protecting this horrible woman? She treats you like rubbish.”
With that I burst into tears and now I’m looking at our friendship in a whole new light.
The reality is that when I needed her help and support last year when my grandfather was ill, she wasn’t there for me.
If I remember correctly, she actually ordered me to stop bringing her down with my “boring stories”. Should I say something more to her?
In many ways I’m a bit scared of how she’ll react.
JANE SAYS: Stop messing about and start being proactive.
Pick your moment and tell this bloke that you would like to establish just what you mean to each other.
Explain that you need to know where you stand. If he is seeing other people, is he prepared to drop them in favour of you?
If he can’t give you the assurances you seek, then you’ll have to tell him that it’s over.
I worry that you’re giving too much of yourself to someone with his own agenda.
If you want a permanent lover, then go out and find one. JANE SAYS: Thank goodness for your new boyfriend.
At last he can see this woman for the nightmare she is.
For years you’ve allowed her to run roughshod over you. You’ve been so desperate to call her your mate, that you’ve turned far too many blind eyes.
Now everything is coming into focus and you’re questioning everything about this so-called friendship.
If you’ve got the stomach for it, then invite her out for a coffee.
Tell her that you’ve reached your limit; you’re sick of lying and covering for her and it all has to stop.
From the warning texts to hiding behind your front door, you don’t actually see the point of this friendship any more.
Does she care anything for you? Does she realise that she let you down when you needed her the most?
My suspicion is that she’s so vain and so self-absorbed, that she won’t even understand what your problem is.
Why would you want to cover for her? Ultimately, you have to look after your sanity and your new relationship. If this friend is stressing you out, then you’ll have to ditch her. It’s not your job to watch her back when she gives nothing to you in return.
Her morals are her business, but your peace of mind is yours.