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MY oldest pal is a very forceful and opinionated woman.
For the past four months I’ve been secretly dating her divorced brother.
I know she won’t approve because she’s still close to his ex-wife.
I’m a mature woman yet we’re creeping around in out-of-town restaurants and hotels because he’s terrified of bumping into her.
I’ve never felt more loved or sexually satisfied in my life and should be flying high, but I know she will try to break us up. She’ll accuse me of scuppering any chance of him getting back together with his wife, even though he hates her.
I’d like to tell her to back off.
MY girlfriend would rather pleasure herself with adult toys than have sex with me.
We’ve never lived together because she’s cherishes her independence.
I stay over at her place twice a week and am aware that the four drawers under her king-sized bed are stuffed with sex toys.
From the latest dildos and vibrators to jiggle balls and lubricant, she spares no expense in her pursuit of pleasure.
She even collects catalogues from various mail order companies so she can keep abreast of new releases.
Lingerie
I think this smacks of double standards as she refuses to have sex with me because she “doesn’t fancy it”.
I always look at her massive collection of sex toys whenever she’s in the shower or downstairs making a cup of tea and can’t work out why she doesn’t want to play with me.
We could have a great time with the stash she’s accumulated – especially as she also owns loads of sexy lingerie outfits, which I’m never treated to.
When I confront her she tells me to mind my own business.
She says anything she does in the privacy of her own bedroom has nothing to do with me.
She doesn’t like me checking out her stuff, but doesn’t pretend she’s totally into self satisfaction either. She’s such a weird one.
When we’re out together as a couple she’s funny and affectionate. When we’re in bed together we have a kiss and a cuddle, but she won’t allow me to take things any further. We last had sex in September 2016 and I haven’t been satisfied since.
Breaking up with her would be such a hassle because we both work for the same company and have so many mates in common.
But I do not know how much longer I can put up with this odd arrangement.
JANE SAYS: Your lover needs to take back control of his own life.
He’s a divorced man and can date anyone he fancies. What gives his sister the right to boss everyone around?
She may not approve of you sleeping with someone from within her family, but it’s got nothing to do with her.
You can’t keep this relationship a secret for ever, because someone will spot you in the end.
Talk to your boyfriend, work out the best way forward, but don’t allow yourselves to be bullied or intimidated.
And you need to be absolutely sure that he’s not using you or spinning you a line.
I just want you to be confident he is actually worthy of you and that he’s not as tricky and manipulative as his sister – with a secret agenda of his own. JANE SAYS: I urge you to find the courage to talk to your girlfriend honestly and sincerely. Explain that you love her and respect her and miss her touch.
Has something changed? Has someone hurt or upset her?
Does she have personal body issues or complaints concerning your naked flesh?
Tell her that you are longing to be close again.
Point out that you’re not stupid and are all too aware of the abundance of goodies stashed beneath her mattress.
Could you and she think about breaking the ice by using these marital aids together?
Offer to take things slowly. Suggest a relaxing evening, a bath together and an early night so you can cuddle and then see what develops.
However, if she still absolutely refuses to address your needs and meet you halfway, then is this relationship enough for you?
I get it that your personal and professional lives are entwined and that leaving would be a wrench – but if you and she are never to have sex again, then where does that leave you?
What kind of relationship does she think you’re prepared to put up with long term?