MY new boyfriend looks amazing. He’s fashionable, well groomed and popular with all my friends.
Unfortunately, he’s absolutely hopeless in bed.
He hasn’t got the first clue about turning me on and making me climax.
In fact, he’s quite lazy. It’s all about his satisfaction.
At first, I put his bad performance down to nervousness.
But we went away for a weekend and he was as hopeless as ever.
I was hoping for two days of steamy passion, but he just kept suggesting long walks and drinks at the bar.
How do I get him to improve without hurting his feelings?
I crave the passion and naughtiness he’s unwilling to give.
CAN I still marry my fiancé now that he’s confessed to a long running affair?
We were due to tie the knot in July. Everything is planned and a lot is already paid for.
A fortnight ago he went off the radar. I couldn’t get hold of him for love nor money.
He was supposed to be on a training course with his boss, but the man texted in a fury to say that he hadn’t turned up.
Naturally, I rang around his friends and family to find out if they knew where he was.
Eventually his mother, of all people, said we needed to talk. We met in a café for a coffee and she handed me the address of another woman.
She was determined not to give me any more details, but suggested it might be a good idea to give the property a visit.
Sure enough, I rocked up and there was my fiancé’s hatchback parked outside. After half an hour of ringing the bell, a woman eventually emerged.
When she admitted she was my fiancé’s lover I went absolutely crazy and started kicking my bloke’s car.
That got him outside too and he confessed he’d been sleeping with this other woman for the whole of our three-year relationship.
Then he broke down in tears and begged me to forgive him because he was in a midlife crisis.
Now he’s back home. His boss has given him compassionate leave and my guy swears the affair is over. He wants us to go ahead with the wedding and iron out our problems afterwards.
He’s worried that a lot of his relatives will ask embarrassing questions if we withdraw our invitations now.
I was looking forward to being a bride more than anything else in the world, but can we really go ahead after this has happened?
JANE SAYS: Could it be your guy is conflicted about his true sexuality or is simply using you as a trophy girlfriend? Just asking…
Tell him you both need to start being honest about where you’re coming from.
Be careful not to insult or criticise, but suggest a special night so you can take the initiative and show him how you’d like things to be. Ask him to relax while you take control.
Start with a bath and a soothing massage. Then ask him to touch you too.
Leave him in no doubt regarding what you like.
Be encouraging. Then, see how he acts the next time you get naked together.
If he’s unwilling to compromise or learn, then you’re both wasting your time. JANE SAYS: Don’t allow your fiancé to rush you into anything.
His idea of getting married first and discussing your problems afterwards stinks. Insist on talk- ing now so you know where you stand and why he felt tempted to cheat in the first place.
This is your future happiness in the balance here.
What really concerns me is that I can’t believe that you really know this man at all. Can you honestly trust anything he says?
A long-running sexual affair must have involved some emotional attachment. What really went on between him and his exlover (if she really is his ex-lover, that is)? Is she really going to take this humiliation lying down?
From where I am sitting it all sounds very one-sided and unbalanced. Is the man guilty of being underhand and dishonest in general? Has he ever been serious about you or on your side?
It’s very good that his boss has given him compassionate leave, because he sounds conflicted and confused. Encourage him to get the professional help he needs.
But don’t feel you have to do anything for the sake of “saving face”. A few deposits or pre-paid flowers cannot determine your future. Walk away and think long and hard about this man and your reaction to his betrayal.