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MY ex-husband always told me I was stupid and ugly.
Our married life was hideous with him using sex and money as sticks to beat me with.
When I left him, he threatened to destroy me and I had to live in a safe house with a kind colleague.
Now I’m being pursued by a wonderful woman who swears she loves me, but I’m crippled by my horrible past.
I have no confidence and hate my body. I only married in the first place because my mother died when I was six.
My grandmother brought me up (I use the words in the loosest terms) but wanted me out of the house at 18. She simply saw me as a drain on her purse.
I’m too frightened to take a chance on my new admirer in case she turns out to be a monster too.
THE day my ex-partner left me, he went straight into the arms of another woman.
He didn’t even have the manners or the good grace to check himself into a cheap hotel for the night.
Instead he called a woman who has always fancied him. She invited him to her place for a drink and he has never left.
How do I know this? Because my 17-year-old daughter has told me the whole story.
Now he’s living in a swanky apartment two miles away. He’s really landed on his feet, he’s driving her car and joining her on great holidays.
Cold
I just feel totally deflated. He and I had been together for 10 years. He’s not my daughter’s real father, but he’s the only one she’s ever known.
I’d thought we’d all grow old together, but he’s branched out and reinvented himself and I’ve never felt lower.
I text him all the time to ask him if he’s missing me, if he feels guilty or responsible for my future? But he doesn’t. I don’t understand how he can be so cold-hearted and unfeeling.
He and I had sex the day before he left me. How does someone simply flit from one bed to another? I don’t get that.
My daughter still sees him. He and his new partner take her out to concerts and to great restaurants, things I can’t afford to do. I feel like the poor relative who has been left behind. The latest thing is that they’re taking her on a fabulous holiday to Florida in July. The new girlfriend is paying for everything because she’s got a good job and is loaded.
I’m not even going to my mate’s caravan on the South Coast this year because she’s got a new boyfriend and is all loved-up. Why is life so unfair?
JANE SAYS: You deserve to be happy and I beg you to give your admirer a chance to prove herself.
Sadly, your past featured individuals who failed to encourage or support you.Your ex-husband was appalling while your grandmother was greedy and grasping.
But don’t forget your kind colleague – there is some goodness in this world.
Your best form of “revenge” as an adult is success and personal happiness.
Speak to your GP and ask for mental and emotional support. Ask your new love to be patient. Tell her your full story and take one day at a time. JANE SAYS: I perfectly understand that you have so many unanswered questions whirling around in your mind.
You can’t understand how the man you once loved could simply up sticks and move in with another woman without drawing breath.
You can’t get your head around the fact that he has now reinvented himself and living a completely different life.
But you need to accept that your ex-partner no longer answers to you.
Yes, you and he were together for many years, but that doesn’t give you any continuing rights over him.
Your relationship ran its course. He’s a single man and he can sleep with anyone he fancies.
You may not like the fact he fell straight into the arms of another woman, but we all deal with stress and upset in different ways.
I strongly advise you to stop torturing yourself like this. Stop texting him regarding his new set-up because there’s nothing more to say.
If you need to speak to him regarding your daughter, then that’s different, because her happiness and safety are important.
Ultimately, there must have been a very good reason for the two of you to split up in the first place.
Now you must move on. Make plans, be strong and look ahead.