GEORGE FOWLER is Motor Mouth

What does he make of the Alfa Stelvio?

I KNOW it’s got four doors but actually this is the new Mercedes CLS 53 Coupé.

Aren’t coupés supposed to have two doors? Well, they used to, but now there’s no end of them. BMW, Audi, Aston Martin, Porsche, Tesla and VW are all doing it. And, if you add a hatchback they’ve got five doors. The law according to car companies is whatever they think up next.

To be honest, I’ve got so confused by car names that no-one knows what a car is by looking at its badge. So the 53 Coupé has got a 5.3-litre engine? No chance. We can’t have numbers that give away the facts. Who expects a Merc C300, for example, to have a 3.0-litre engine? How quaint. Oh, that’ll be the one with a 2.1-litre engine. Aaargh.

The CLS 53 Coupé may not have a colossal lump of metal under its bonnet but it does have a colossal lump of power. A six-cylinder 3.0-litre turbo hurls it from 0-62mph in 4.4s on its way to a limited 155mph.

The addition of an EQ Boost electric compressor to the starter and alternator lifts its power “momentarily” say Merc, from 435hp to 457hp at start up while torque rises from 520Nm to 770Nm. That’s why it’s so instantly quick. Average fuel consumption is 37mpg. Not bad for a 48-valve straight six.

Be aware, though, that CO2 emissions of 200g/km attract first year tax of £830. That won’t bother people who can afford the £70,000 it’s predicted to cost when orders open in July, with first deliveries in September.