I’M fed up of my ex-partner using my home as a doss house.
He and I broke up in 2011. Admittedly we did promise to remain friends, but I didn’t think he’d keep turning up on my doorstep expecting a free bed.
The problem is he now lives miles away, but his firm are located only four streets from me.
Therefore when he has late meetings or early starts he texts to ask if he can “crash”.
I can hardly turn him down when I live on my own and have two spare bedrooms, but having him around does my head in as he simply slips back into the old routine – even expecting sex!
He has a new wife, but still considers me his property and gets miffed when I turn him down.
Sometimes I simply let him have his way because it’s easier than an argument – and then I hate myself afterwards.
NONE of my mates have a good word about my new girlfriend.
I’m always being warned she is a cheat and a liar and cannot be trusted.
I was in the pub the other night with some friends and even people I hardly know told me to watch myself.
They muttered about her breaking hearts and raiding wallets.
But I really don’t see where they are coming from – to me she is just perfect.
We have been together for four months and she has not put a foot wrong so far.
From loving me and treating me with respect, to buying me a fantastic birthday present and being nice to my parents, she is everything I have ever wanted in a woman.
Our sex life is red-hot and she always does what she says she is going to do – she is never late for dates or lets me down. Yet still the rumours persist. My closest mate knows her through his sister. For my birthday last month I invited loads of people for a curry, but several failed to turn up because “she” was there.
I love her so much that I am terrified to mention the rumours in case I insult her or scare her away.
She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and even my mum has said: “You’d be mad to let this one go”.
So what do I do next? Should I listen to my mates or simply allow my girl more time to prove herself – for better or for worse? She is already talking about us getting a flat, booking a holiday and maybe even getting engaged.
I’m fully committed to this plan and she insists that she is too. But can I really believe a word she says when my pals are telling me she is not what she seems?
JANE SAYS:Your ex-partner clearly still has a strong hold over you.
This has to be broken. You have to stand up for yourself and tell him to sling his hook. From abusing your hospitality, to overwhelming you and expecting sex, he’s clearly got a very strong sense of entitlement. I wonder what his new wife thinks about him sharing your bed?
I bet she doesn’t know the half of it. Be proactive and tell him today that the free ride is over. JANE SAYS: Surely people are allowed to turn over a new leaf and reinvent themselves?
Maybe your girl was a wildchild once. But if she has matured – and seen the error of her ways – then why should she be slammed forever? All you can do is judge the person who stands before you. If she seems genuine and nice, then see how you go.
Don’t make too many grand plans. Don’t run before you can walk, and take it a day at a time.
Thank your friends for their concern but tell them you have got this. You understand that they care about you and only have your best interests at heart, but you are an adult now. They might be jealous of you and don’t like the idea of losing you to a new partner.
Is it worth taking your most trusted mate to one side to get the full back-story, or would you prefer not to go there?
I get the impression your girl is bending over backwards to make a good impression.
If she is faking, she won’t be able to keep up her act forever. You have to look into her eyes and trust your instincts. Is she really the person you want to find a flat with and, maybe, get engaged too – or is she playing a game?
Consider your self-esteem, your mental wellbeing and the matter of mutual respect before making any long-term promises.