idiots. Honest called them: “Disgracefully rich bastards and tax exiles who just want to how off.”

I added: “It’s like having a 30foot statue of yourself, covered in gold and diamonds, at the entrance to your half a mile long driveway to a house that, while looking a palace, is lit up like a dog track.”

For the entire week I drove around in the Bentayga I was genuinely embarrassed. The only people who looked at it and made a comment were the can’t care less about the future owners of similarly obnoxious weap- ons of mass destruction. Nobody dared to say the truth about it because owners of such knuckledusters usually have a loaded shotgun in the boot and aren’t worried about using concrete wellingtons to cover up the result of their work.

Sorry Bentley, and every other maker of these hideous howitzers, you shouldn’t be releasing them into the public.

For what it’s worth, the Bentayga I was hiding inside cost £139,100 but that, of course, was never going to impress the flash brigade so Bentley added a few extras to bring the final price up to £194,071. That’s right, it had £54,971 worth of extras on it, so it made sorting out what was original and what was added a bit difficult. After all it was carrying the equivalent of a new AMG Line Mercedes E Class.

The quality of the interior, finished in quilted linen and beluga hides and its wooden dashboard with piano black and leather finish made it a travelling palace.

On the outside it was dressed in an incredible two-tone paint job which was a blend of “Extreme Silver” and “Light Onyx” and it was all sitting on Mulliner Driving Specification