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MY partner and I split in 2011.
Six months later she won a huge sum on the lottery. She bought a big house and, though I begged and begged, she will not give me a penny.
Now she’s taking in paying guests for something to do. She says she likes to meet new people and enjoys the company.
I’m down on my luck and she could easily give me one of her many spare rooms, but she won’t do it. I don’t want her money, her body or her attention. I just need somewhere to lay my head, only she’d rather see me on my brother’s floor.
I’ve made mistakes over the years – I was a bit of a drinker for a while. But I’m not a bad person and I could help her out with maintenance.
MY new wife turned into a monster on our wedding day.
I could tell something was wrong as she stomped up the aisle to join me at the altar.
She had a furious look on her face that chilled me to the bone.
Even as we signed the book she was complaining about her dad driving her mad and her sister being a nightmare.
She told me I looked scruffy and then bickered with the priest because she could not use his fountain pen.
Outside the church she scowled all through the photographs and then screamed at me because I didn’t light her a fag fast enough.
I’m afraid to say that our marriage has been going rapidly downhill all the way since.
Horrible
She’s gone from being loving and considerate to nasty and controlling. Before we married she was funny and kind.
Now our sex life is horrible. Suddenly she’s cold and brisk and acts as if it’s my “duty” to pleasure her – and do anything she says in bed. She goes crazy if I try to satisfy her and makes a fuss if I want to see family or friends.
We’ve known each other for more than 10 years. At one point we were the golden couple.
I don’t understand how the wedding ceremony has changed her so much.
Now I don’t know what to expect when I wake each morning. I’ve never cheated or done anything to hurt her or make her doubt me, yet she keeps accusing me of either fancying other women or being gay. I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
Our rows have become vicious and nasty. No-one who knows us would believe what’s going on behind closed doors. Why is she being such a nightmare?
JANE SAYS: What part of “no” don’t you get?
Your housing needs aren’t anything to do with your ex-partner.
You and she are now ancient history. She has moved on and now you must.
She is under no obligation to help you out and you shouldn’t expect her charity.
How would moving into her personal space ever work? What about using the bathroom and other spaces? You’d clash at every turn and why would she want that? If you don’t like where you’re living, talk to social services or your local council regarding your options.
You may not think it’s fair that she has so much while you’re struggling, but life is rarely fair. Count your blessings and make the best of what you’ve got. JANE SAYS: Could it be that the expectations and responsibilities are now weighing heavily on your new wife’s shoulders?
You’ve gone from being a young couple to a married pair and, maybe, she feels overwhelmed?
Weddings are stressful and if she’s started married life on the wrong foot, then she might be finding it hard to right herself.
I’m just making suggestions here. What’s absolutely vital is that you sit her down today and tell her that you’re unhappy and confused.
Why is she being so demanding and so mean?
Can’t she see how much she’s hurting and disrespecting you?
A marriage is an ongoing work in progress. She doesn’t suddenly “own” you; she can’t simply boss you around like her own, personal domestic slave. From speaking rudely to being cold and unreasonable in bed, she needs to hear that you’re struggling to understand her right now.
Ultimately, you have to be tough. You need to stand up for yourself before she overwhelms or crushes you.
Sadly, if she can’t calm down and change, then maybe you’ll have to conclude that this is a mismatch and prepare to go your own way.
Speak to your family and be honest about the situation you find yourself in. Don’t let pride stop you from speaking out.