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I’VE done some terrible things in my life and feel so guilty.
As a teenager I got drunk, stole cars and generally mucked around.
I married at 22, but made my poor young wife’s life a living hell with my womanising, partying and refusal to get a decent job.
She left me one afternoon after she found me in bed with two, much older neighbours, who were paying me for my services.
I last spoke to my mum in 2012 at my grandmother’s funeral. My nan was a proper lady – a real pillar of the community.
Only I messed up on that occasion as well. I was very upset and met my cousin before the cremation who said he had something which would make me feel better.
We went round the back of his car and he gave me some tablets, which blew my mind.
Fight
People tell me I was as high as a kite during the service – apparently I was talking, singing and laughing. In the end my uncle had to literally drag me out.
Then I tried to fight my brother and steal a handbag. Eventually my mum came up to me, slapped me across the face and told me that I was no son of hers.
The look of bitter disappointment on her face still haunts my nightmares. But I’m with a new partner now who is fantastic.
I’ve cleaned up my act and she keeps asking me when I’m going to introduce her to my folks.
But how can I when I’m such a screw-up? My family members no longer speak to me. I keep making terrible excuses about my mum being sick with cancer and my brother working in Australia.
The fact is they all live about five miles away and I could take her there any time. But how can I when I’m such a disgrace?
I’m frightened that if I keep fobbing her off, she’s going to think she’s done something wrong, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
JANE SAYS: Your new girlfriend deserves to hear the absolute truth about your past, otherwise how is she going to understand your present situation?
Sit her down and tell her that you have a complicated, embarrassing story to tell.
Ask her to bear with you. Make it clear you’re not making excuses for your previous behaviour, which you’re deeply ashamed of, but do need to tell her your back-story.
Hopefully, if she loves you she’ll keep an open mind and agree that none of us is perfect.
What’s most important is that you’re on the way back to normality now.
Hopefully, your darkest days are behind you and this is a new beginning. Try not to let regrets overwhelm you.
People grow up in different ways – you chose the wild path, but you’re not that guy any more.
Park the past, learn from your mistakes and accept you’ve come through a storm – and survived.
Would asking for a meeting with your family and all the other people you insulted help?
Perhaps if you could call a truce the healing process could begin?
Think seriously about it so that you can start building bridges and move on.