BACK in 2016, my husband came to me with a shocking confession.

He was having an affair with my best friend.

Could I ever forgive him? Could we try again?

I ordered him to leave the house. Nine months later I heard she’d relocated to New Zealand and was never coming back.

Now he’s home again and has declared that he wants us to resume our sex life.

I can’t think of anything worse. I don’t know what to do and the idea of getting naked in front of him is turning my stomach.

I can’t get over the fact that the last woman he pleasured was her.

Now he’s getting angry with me, saying that I’m not trying hard enough to heal our marriage.

But he was the one who cheated on me, wasn’t he?

What does he expect when I’m so damaged and upset?

JANE SAYS: It sounds to me as if you and your husband still have a long way to go.

He may be back living under your roof, with his ex lover safely 12,000 miles away, but the wounds are still very deep.

He wants sex and you want answers. Why did he feel tempted to cheat in the first place?

Doesn’t he realise how much he’s hurt and humiliated you?

Why don’t you both take sex off the menu and make an appointment with a relationship counsellor?

Relate can help at relate.org.uk.

Your husband is trying to slip back into the old routine. Sex is a natural expression of love and an important part of marriage.

Of course, becoming intimate again will be a challenge, but do keep the lines of communication open. You’re a long way off from trusting him completely.