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MY guy wants his mum to move in with us. I can’t think of anything worse.
But he’s making it clear that this is a deal-breaker – if I don’t say yes then we’re through.
The problem is he worships the ground she walks on and the feeling is mutual. He’s never stopped being the light of her life.
Unfortunately, she can’t stand the sight of me and makes no secret of the fact that I’m just not good enough for her little soldier.
She’s openly rude to my face. She tells me that my food is tasteless and that I’m scruffy and fat.
She’s desperate for grandchildren (we’re currently childless), but openly wishes he would have a baby with someone better.
Active
On Mother’s Day they went out for a special meal while I was left at home on my own.
He points out that she’s young at heart, independent and healthy, but I’m not interested in becoming anyone’s carer.
She is fit and active at the moment, but what if she were to have a fall or a stroke? There’s no way I’m looking after someone who can’t even be civil to me.
I’ve told my husband all of this, but he just keeps saying that he would persuade his mother to go into a residential home if things got too much. I’m not convinced.
I’m usually very good at making him see things from both points of view, but he’s really digging his heels in over this and we’re having some terrible rows. We’re not having sex and I’m feeling more unattractive and unconfident than ever.
I feel as though the pair of them are ganging up on me. If he and I do split up because of her, I don’t know what I’d do with my life as he bought this house and earns far more than I do.
JANE SAYS: You have to start putting your relationship – and your sex life – first.
I’m sure that, on paper, moving your mother-in-law into your home does seem a very good idea. But you’re absolutely right to look ahead. The fact is that none of you knows what lies round the corner. It’s completely conceivable that she could have a stroke or a fall and need nursing and care.
And what if you and your husband lose your jobs and are forced to move somewhere much smaller? Would she move with you?
Your husband needs to realise that you have a voice and you will be heard.
It’s always said that we should choose our battles.
Well, I don’t think this is a battle that you can afford to lose because the implications are too farreaching Picture posed by models and unknown. Also, what would the reaction be if you insisted that your own mother or another elderly member of your family moved in too?
Is it one rule for your husband’s family and another for yours?
Do not allow yourself to be bullied or forced to cave in through emotional blackmail. Keep talking to find a compromise.
Would mediation help? He has to remember you are married and being married affords you certain rights and privileges.
Throwing you out on the street without a penny isn’t an option.