WHAT’S HOT TO WATCH TODAY
THERE’S a lovely scene at the start of CORONATION STREET (8pm, ITV), with Peter Barlow bouncing baby Susie on his knee. “Daddy’s beautiful girl!” he tells her. “Yes, you are!”
To which you half-expect Susie to reply: “No, I’m not, pal. Haven’t you heard?”
Still, it’s only a matter of time before the truth about this ridiculous baby pact comes to light. And when I say “time”, what I mean is about 20 minutes.
That’s when Peter walks in to find baby Susie now in a tearful Toyah’s arms, being given a last few bits of wise maternal advice. A last few bits, that is, before Toyah finally gives in to the inevitable and hands Susie back to Eva, her real mum.
“Just try and find someone kind,” is one of the pieces of wisdom a thoughtful Toyah dispenses to the child. “And you should be kind to people too.
“I’d also say avoid social media because it’ll make you miserable.” See, she’s no fool, our Toyah... Except obviously she must be, or else she wouldn’t have got herself into this mess in the first place. “And lastly,” she ought to be telling little Susie. “Don’t end up on a prime-time TV soap, it’s a living hell.”Anyway, as I say, Peter then happens to walk into the room and see his beloved Toyah cradling the baby. Cradling her, but failing to hold back the tears.
“Hey,” he goes,” what’s the matter?”
Believe me, mate, you’ll wish you’d never asked…. ELSEWHERE, former footballer little Dennis Wise miraculously grows to almost man-sized proportions to compete in THE CRYSTAL MAZE (9pm, Channel 4).