MY horny neighbour fancies me. She wants my body.
I can’t walk past her house without her making a suggestive comment.
She’s so blatant in a Carry On/ Oh Matron style, that it is getting almost comical.
In the past few months I’ve joined a gym and lost a lot of weight. I’ve had my hair professionally styled and grown a beard. What can I say? I look hot!
I’m seeing a lot of girls through dating apps and feel great. I could easily bed my neighbour too, but feel that would be crossing a line.
Admittedly she’s desperate and sex-starved, but she’s tricky too.
Her last (violent) partner left her six months ago – taking with him the contents of her building society account.
She swears that all she wants is some no-strings sex. I don’t even have to kiss her on the lips if I don’t want to. All she needs is a good man under her roof.
She messages me all the time. During the day I get jokes and flirty messages. At night it’s fullon saucy shots and come-ons.
I’ve seen every inch of her naked flesh many times over even though we’ve never actually been intimate together.
She constantly invites me round for sex sessions and free booze. How do I let her down gently?
The only reason I haven’t given her an outright “No” is because she’s know locally as a bit of a neighbour from hell.
She’s had rows with all sorts of people about their rubbish, dogs and kids kicking footballs, but seems to like me for some reason.
I’ve got two cars plus a van, which I often park across her drive if the road is busy.
Basically I have no desire to fall out with her because I don’t need her turning on me. Where do I go from here?
JANE SAYS: You’ve got to start being honest with this woman, because you cannot keep her dangling on a string.
If you’re not interested in having sex with her – ever – then she needs to hear that. Equally, if you don’t like her wolf-whistling at you in the street and sending suggestive images, then you need to tell her to stop that too.
She needs to hear that everything needs to cool down. You’re flattered that she finds you attractive because you’re pleased with your weight loss and your new appearance.
But you’re not a stud for hire and just because you occasionally park across her drive doesn’t mean that you and she have any kind of a special relationship.
If I’m honest, I hate the idea of her imposing herself on you and making stupid comments any time you walk past. Where is her respect for you as a grown man?
Imagine the outcry if the roles were reversed. You’re not a sex object – you’re a simple bloke trying to get on with his life.
Tell her that you’re happy to be friends, but nothing more. If, as a result of your honesty, she turns on you and starts complaining about your vehicles, you’ll have to deal with her as you would any other neighbour in the street.
Do not allow her to intimidate or bully you.