SOME 42% of women do not enjoy sex – the other 58% are single.

DOESN’T it make a difference when the British summer actually makes an appearance?

Spirits are lifted, clothes are ditched and beers are chilled.

And then they come out. You know the ones. The type who make Remoaners look relaxed. Yep, the heatwave nazis.

They’re the ones who, as soon as the mercury hits double figures, start whingeing about it being too hot.

Look, when our usual routine is eight months thermal undies; three months waterproofs; three weeks comfy cardis and possibly one week of T-shirts, then a heatwave is the Viagra of weather.

Who seriously enjoys grey skies, cold winds and drizzle? Isn’t it lovely to fling the windows open first thing in the morning and feel warmth on your skin? To know you can go out for the day without taking your entire wardrobe “just in case”.

This week the whole of our normally dour little rock in the Atlantic is hotter than Brazil with temperatures of 86F (29.8C). The beaches are packed with happy families, pub gardens are heaving and every day’s a guaranteed BBQ sizzler.

We should all be loving it. Vitamin D is good for every part of you. Especially those underworked smile muscles. But no. Rather than let us get on with having fun in the sun the lectures start. TV host Susanna Reid, left, said: “I hate this weather”.

What? This is a woman capable of withstanding Piers Morgan every day. Surely a bit of yellow stuff in the sky isn’t going to faze her?

But she’s not the worst. The official warnings are coming thick and fast.

Public Health England ominously declared that the young, old and sick need to take extra precautions. The Met Office issued an “alert and readiness” advisory (no, me neither).

And roads, railways, pavements and runways are all going to melt.

Basically though if you go out and make the most of this all-too-brief spell of loveliness, tragic accidents aside, you’re going to find yourself doomed in a hellfire inferno.

Oh, and drink plenty of water while using suncream. Ad nauseam.

Never have so many people stated the bleedin’ obvious so much.

So come on folks, stop being a shade-hugging vampire misery, slap on the Factor 50 and get out there. It’s summer.

It’s OUR summer and we should be making the most of it.