MY lazy househusband is ruining our relationship.
He’s supposed to be doing up our property in order for us to sell it on (and make a profit), but all he does is lay around all day watching porn.
And if he’s not watching porn he’s partying with the people next door who are a very bad influence indeed.
They are swingers and I’m convinced he’s having sex with one, if not both of them.
Our house is a wreck. We have no kitchen, indoor bathroom or floorboards upstairs. My dad lent us the money to buy it.
My bloke was made redundant last year and the rejection hit him hard. I’m working full-time for a large company and he’s supposed to be getting on with the total refurbishment, only he’s not.
He’s allowing himself to be distracted by the folks next door who have a hot tub and a swimming pool.
He’s in and out of their garden through the (broken) back fence and I’m seeing red.
This was not the deal and I feel let down. I don’t know if I can stay with him a minute longer.
He is supposed to be keeping this place together but he doesn’t do anything except have fun.
He is such a big kid. I thought that trusting him was a good idea but he’s such a let down.
Why am I slogging my guts out when he just doesn’t care? I can’t share any of this with my parents because my dad eventually wants his money back, plus a slice of the profit. He’ll hit the roof if he hears the truth.
He and mum are visiting my aunt in Canada and expect to come home to a finished project. Fat chance of that.
JANE SAYS: It’s vital that you get back to the drawing board and come up with a new set of rules.
Your fun-loving husband has to understand what needs to be done around the house during the day.
Write a list if he doesn’t understand how a refurbishment works. Then there are the dos and don’ts – no porn, no neighbours and no shirking.
If he really is having sex with the couple next door, then that is really serious. What about your feelings and your sexual health?
Tell him you have to know what is going on in order to protect yourself. There has to be privacy and respect.
Warn him that if he is having an affair then it has to stop and a sexual health test will be required before you ever sleep with him again. I wouldn’t be inclined to hide anything from your parents, because that will only add more stress to your situation.
Remember that they love you and you need all the practical help they can give you. Don’t spoil their holiday but do get their input the minute they return.
In the long term, however, you need to discuss your husband’s plans regarding a new job. Can he retrain or go into further education? Thrash this out.
You’ve got to be honest with him, because if this isn’t working out your marriage is going to lurch into an even deeper crisis – or is actually there already?