@Ëd efk _ffb\[ fe i\[ c`^_k Y`[
JFE J<O GC8E @J JKLG@;
MY ex-husband wants to take our 21-year son to Amsterdam for his first sexual experience.
I think this is the most disgusting idea my ex has ever come up with – and that’s saying something.
I admit the boy is shy and hasn’t yet kissed a girl.
I agree he has a very small number of friends, who are all as socially awkward as he is.
But a paid prostitute? Really? My ex and I were married at 19 and I was the mother of two by the time I was 21.
I know my ex (who is married to wife number three and has six kids in total) believes that I’ve protected and mollycoddled our son, but I don’t accept any blame for the fact he’s still a virgin. What’s the rush?
Classy
What’s wrong with waiting until the right girl comes along?
My ex argues that the right girl might never come along; his brother never married and has never been with a woman (or a man) as far as anyone can tell.
My ex doesn’t get on with his brother and is determined that our son isn’t going to end up the same way. He thinks that if his first sexual experience is with a professional, mature woman then he’ll be good to go.
He reckons he knows a classy place (away from the main red light district) where bespoke packages are offered to anyone willing to pay.
He rants that it’s unhealthy for a young man not to have regular sex, but just because he is sex mad doesn’t mean that everyone is, does it?
I’ve spoken to my son (who adores his dad and does anything to get his approval) and he says he’s happy to go with the flow if it’ll please his dad and keep the peace but I’m fuming.
Have you ever heard anything so inappropriate or crass?
JANE SAYS: You son needs to hear that he is not obliged to fall in with his dad’s plans.
He is his own person and his body is his business. I get the impression Picture posed by models that your ex-husband is a force of nature. He’s dominating, brash and full of big ideas, but he can’t be allowed to call the shots regarding his son’s own sex life.
He has to be stopped in his tracks and told that this harebrained scheme of his is a nonstarter. If you’ve allowed him to overwhelm or even bully you in the past, then this is where you tell him no.
Make it clear that you do not care about image or what other people think – and you really don’t give a fig about your former brotherin-law’s sex life (or his lack of it) either. Your son is precious and vulnerable and chucking him in a room with a Dutch prostitute could crush his confidence for good, to say nothing of the sexual health implications.
Sex and love need to go hand-inhand and there really is no rush.
If the young man is interested in meeting a girl for a proper relationship, then offer to help him to sort out his wardrobe.
Fine tune his small talk and also maybe look at some of the more trusted dating apps.
Then tell your ex to cool off in a canal – preferably a Dutch one!