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MY female lover has declared she is bisexual and is also sleeping with a man.
I feel destroyed. How could she do this to me? I thought we were set for life.
Apparently her bloke is someone from work. They’ve got form.
They first slept together years ago when she was 100% heterosexual and he was married.
Now he’s divorced and they’re attracted to each other all over again. She claims she’s conflicted and confused and doesn’t know which of us to choose.
Would it be OK with me if she had both of us in her life? No it blinking well wouldn’t!
Why should I have to share or put up with that?
Time
They meet for sex at his flat, but she would like to bring him back here – maybe even for a threesome. Again, no way!
When we first met in 2014 she assured me she was 100% gay, but now she’s saying that she could actually be bisexual and is urging me to give her more time to sort her head out.
At the moment she’s all over the place. She goes out and never tells me what time she’ll be home.
She promises to take me to dinner and then lets me down at the last moment – and I can’t remember the last time we made love.
My heart is breaking. I don’t know where I stand. All she’ll say is that she won’t be pressurised or rushed.
She maintains that she never planned to fall back into bed with him, but it “just happened”. I love the girl with all my heart and miss her touch.
We used to have a brilliant sex life and I’ve never fancied anyone more. The other night we had a terrible row during which she accused me of being controlling and an embarrassment. How dare she push me to my limits?
JANE SAYS: No-one ever said that life was straightforward or easy, but your girlfriend has no right to treat you badly.
She has to get off the fence and start making her mind up. She can’t have you and her male lover in her life because you don’t want that. End of.
If she really is bisexual, then fine, but that’s no good for you when you aren’t prepared to share her and need a committed, monogamous relationship.
Cheating is still cheating whether it’s between men or women and she needs to wake up to that fact.
Insist on a proper sit-down conversation where she hears how hurt and disappointed you are.
Insist that you are not prepared to be her back-up plan if everything goes pear-shaped with her male colleague.Yes, her head is in the clouds right now, but can’t she appreciate what she’s doing to you? Can’t she see the strain you’re under? How would she like it if the roles were reversed?
Make plans to move on and protect yourself. If she can’t be honest with you and if she can’t treat you with love and respect, then it’s over.
Remember that there will be other lovers in your life who won’t crush your spirit or treat you with such disregard. Just make sure you take your time and choose more carefully next time around.