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I’M having sex with a new man and want to start a new life, but my family don’t want me to leave my husband.
They’re putting a huge amount of pressure on me to stay in my “dead” marriage.
They’re frightened that if I divorce, the gravy train will hit the buffers.
The reality is that my old man is rich and my parents enjoy his generosity and his place in Portugal. My dad loves to play golf and they’re out there whenever the villa is free.
My husband arranges food, booze and a cleaner and they think they’re in paradise.
Begging
They hate the fact that my new lover is poorly paid and doesn’t even own one property.
But my husband and I simply don’t love each other any more. We haven’t had sex for years and the spark has definitely gone.
He’s had three affairs to my knowledge and I’m sure he turns a blind eye to my lover.
My mum, in particular, is furious and keeps begging me to give my hubby another chance.
At Christmas he pays for them to visit my sister in Germany and over the years he’s paid off loans and credit card debts.
My new lover couldn’t be more different. He’s understated, witty and clever.
He sets me on fire in bed and really “gets” my wicked sense of humour.
I’d really love my mum to meet my lover in order for her to get to know him and give him a chance, but she absolutely refuses.
She doesn’t want to hear about how good he makes me feel and has actually branded me selfish and stupid for upsetting my “perfect marriage”.
But it isn’t perfect. I’m not fulfilled, and, as we don’t have children, I don’t see why I shouldn’t move on – do you?
JANE SAYS: I don’t understand why you’re not talking to your husband.
What does he think about this state of affairs? Is he happy? Does he think there are problems that need to be addressed?
I strongly recommend that you get him on his own and tell him how you’re feeling. Explain how you fear that the love has gone.
Describe how you’re simply going through the motions. Does he have any suggestions as to how your relationship could be saved?
Do you or he actually want to save it?
As for you sleeping with your lover, that’s just not fair. You must stop seeing and sleeping with him until you’ve spoken to your husband. Ultimately, it’s your life and if you’re no longer happy with the guy you married, then your family cannot bully you into staying with him.
You’ll just have to be tough and order them to mind their own business.
No doubt they enjoy those free trips to Portugal and Germany and they have benefited from their son-in-law’s kindness, but they can’t call you selfish.
Nor can they tell you what to do if you and your husband decide that your marriage is all over bar the shouting.