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Gareth Southgate on Great British Bake Off. Watch out for his World Cup cakes probably get him to semis. Ed Chat

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Paul Hollywood: the barmaid shouldn’t have had the opportunity to put her buns in your oven, gonna cost ya 10m in divorce. Bon Appétit. AL

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I’m surprised Danny Dyer can still walk with the weight of that daughter of his and her fame-hungry “boyfriend” hanging from his coat tails. DH

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So Dani Dyer and Jack have done the deed. What will Danny dad think now? I bet he’s sick of the whole thing as the pair are trading on his fame. Nicky, Birmingham

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in your fantastic paper it reported that jamie smug oliver says men f***ing hated him – well it got worse mate, women do as well as men you smug t**t.

big fat edwin dcfc

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Women treat me as a sex object? As soon as I mention sex, they object. Grant Hately

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Did you hear about the chap who tried to flush his viagra down the loo? The toilet seat stayed up for a month. Chicken George Shrewsbury

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i saw an advert for stairlifts and they said when you don’t need it any more we’ll buy it back off you! Which basically means when you’re dead. tony worksop