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IF I caught my old man snogging a colleague he’d be talking like David Beckham and I’d be wearing his dangly bits as earrings.

Because if you love and respect your partner you do not stick your tongue down someone else’s throat.

Full stop. No excuses. It doesn’t matter how much you have to drink, copping off with someone you shouldn’t be swapping saliva with is never, ever “a bit of a drunken laugh”.

Yep, we’re talking Strictly Come Dancing, the dreaded curse and Snog-gate.

Or the fact that a comedian none of us had ever heard of ended up getting a bit too up close and personal with the professional dancer he’d been paired with. A married one to boot.

Seann Walsh and his saucy partner Katya Jones have dragged the infamous marriagewrecking curse of Strictly high kicking into the limelight. And for once this is no shameless PR stunt dreamt up by the BBC. This is real. Seann and Katya have the hots for one another and were caught full-on kissing like lovestruck teenagers after a night on the booze. Unfortunately for Seann it was his girlfriend of five year’s birthday and when she phoned to query why he wasn’t home he allegedly implied she was some sort of psycho witch and should foxtrot off. Or something like that.

Quite what Katya’s husband of five years, fellow show dancer Neil Jones, made of his wife’s behaviour we don’t yet know. Though he did post a somewhat random bare-chested Instagram photo of himself cuddling a rock. Analyse that. Walsh and Katya both issued apologies dismissing their behaviour as “nothing”. Unfortunately for them Walsh’s lady, the feisty Rebecca Humphries, didn’t quite see it that way and dumped him with a scathing social media post accusing him of psychological abuse. Talk about washing your dirty linen in public.

But we learnt that Rebecca is no victim, she likes sharing her life (if not her man) and she kept the cat. Oh, and that’s she’s an actress. Perish the thought there was a publicity angle here…

And so the saga rumbas on. Should the couple be sacked from the show? Will the viewers turn on them? And how will Katya’s husband react when he has to share the stage with the snoggers? Have to admit murder on the dance floor would make pretty good telly. Odds on that viewing figures will rise this weekend and Strictly has always been about sex not samba. “When you ravel and unravel your legs between your parter’s limbs, you (will) understand just how sensual dance can be,” expert Arlene Phillips helpfully explained.

Sorry, but that’s a pathetic excuse. There are millions of people who work with colleagues of the opposite sex, often away from home, in pressurised environments who don’t end up cheating.

The bottom line is that you only end up in an illicit pas de deux if there is something wrong at home. Yeah, we can all be tempted and we can all do a bit of window shopping but somewhere along the line your moral compass kicks in. The list of idiots who have fallen foul of the so-called Strictly Curse is simply a roll call of celebrities whose marriages were already on the rocks. Well, hello there Louise Redknapp.

My only wish now is that the show introduces the one dance they’ve always strangely avoided. The Shag.