MY boyfriend has made someone else pregnant and I don’t know what to do.
He rants that she tricked him and that she swore she couldn’t have children.
And he says he didn’t bother to use a condom the dozen or so times they had sex because she said it wasn’t necessary.
Now she’s five months gone and demanding financial support for both her and her unborn child.
He’s adamant that he has no plans to see her again or leave me. He’s storming around as if he’s the victim here and I’m at a loss to know what to do.
Do I cuddle him and promise: “We’ll get through this darling?” Or do I kick him out into the street to live with all the other filthy rats down in the sewers?
He thinks that I should forgive him but he hasn’t even said sorry. Any time I confront him he shrugs his shoulders and says: “Everyone makes mistakes.”
But do they make mistakes on 12 separate occasions? What he won’t admit is that he chose to slip into another woman’s bed (an ex-colleague of his), behind my back, when he was stone cold sober. In fact he won’t take any responsibility for his actions at all except to say that he may have been in a bad place at the time.
Funny, considering I was in a bad place myself, nursing my sick father. I have actually met his pregnant lover, she was hanging around outside our house last week and I invited her in for a cup of tea. She’s really lovely and I can’t be angry with her because I believe that he told her he was single and that they’d be together forever.
Of course he now says that she’s a liar; that she’s unhinged, but she didn’t seem very mad to me – devastated and disappointed, if anything.
JANE SAYS: You ask me whether you should give your cheating partner a kiss on the lips or a shove out of the door – I think you can probably guess that I’m going with the latter. You’ve got to hand it to him; he’s doing a sterling job of holding his nerve and attempting to ride this one out.
So he and his lover only hopped into bed and had unprotected sex the 12 times?
Yes, all couples do go through ups and downs. Perhaps your partner was feeling sex starved and lonely while you were away nursing your sick father, but he continues to behave appallingly.
The fact of the matter is that he can rant and rave all he likes about not supporting his new baby, but the law will require him to support the child. And, if he’s any kind of a human being, he will also make it his business to be the best kind of (present) father he can be, too.
He doesn’t have to spend the rest of his life with a woman he doesn’t love, but he does have to face his responsibilities.
The fact he’s now calling her “unhinged” is very telling too. That shows an extreme level of childishness and self-protection.
Is every person who crosses him labelled as such? Is he always right and everyone else wrong?
Save yourself by getting out now. Leave him to clear up his own mess.