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I’M playing with fire and terrified that my boyfriend and my lover are going to meet.
My boss has announced that he’s organising a big Christmas bash this year.
For the first time partners are invited. He’s even sent a flashy invitation to our home address.
My boyfriend of five years is mad keen to attend. He was made redundant in June and has been feeling lonely and bored.
Unfortunately, my lover of a year will also be at the event. He’s split from his wife and is putting pressure on me to leave my boyfriend to be with him full-time, but I’m not sure if I want to.
He’s a great guy – really lively, funny and full of energy.
Rough
We have a great time sneaking about getting drunk and having sex, but he’s a bit rough around the edges and unpredictable, too.
My parents would hate the sight of him and I don’t think my friends would understand either.
For example, he loves sex in risky places. In the months we’ve been together we’ve romped everywhere from our boss’s office to a local common.
We’ve fumbled at an open-air swimming pool and at a notorious dogging site.
In contrast my long-term boyfriend couldn’t be more different.
He’s normal and dependable. I wouldn’t exactly call him boring, he’s definitely steadier.
My lover is angry that his wife left him for another man and I can feel him angling for a fight. The other night I asked him to see things from my point of view and not make a public scene and he called me selfish and arrogant.
I’m the first to admit that my situation isn’t ideal or straightforward, but what in life ever is?
Why does he have to make things so complicated?
JANE SAYS: I’m puzzled by your attitude. You’re sneaking around behind your boyfriend’s back with another man, but don’t seem to think that’s the problem.
The issue you’re worried about is them meeting and your lover blowing your cover. What did your long-term boyfriend ever do to deserve this nonsense?
The poor fella is still licking his wounds after losing his job, yet you’re continuing to run around with another man.
Now that man, your “rough diamond” finds himself suddenly single and is insisting that you commit yourself to him instead. Bit of a mess, isn’t it?
I don’t understand why you’re making life so difficult for yourself. I realise that certain people get off on drama in their lives. They love sneaking around, taking risks and being naughty, but if all you’re doing is tying yourself up in knots, then what’s the point in all of this?
If you can’t remain loyal to your dependable boyfriend, then set him free. If you don’t respect your lover enough to have him in your life full-time, then why are you jeopardising your job and putting yourself in risky situations?
Is it time to grow up? I can’t imagine your boss will be too keen on a scene on his big night.
My feeling is that your boyfriend needs to hear the absolute truth right now.