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I’VE only just found out my partner is already married.
We’ve been together for two years and she’s never once mentioned having a husband.
I don’t believe this. Apparently, her other half is a “nice bloke” living on the coast, who likes to surf and fish and is as laid back as she’s lively.
They have never fallen out, just drifted apart after a couple of years of marriage when they both realised they wanted different things.
Now she’s a top recruitment whizzkid in the city, while he sells driftwood carvings.
The truth came to light only a couple of weeks ago when I went down on one knee and asked her to become my wife.
I had whisked her away to a boutique hotel complete with gourmet restaurant and luxury spa.
But instead of gushing: “Yes!” she laughed and said: “You’ll have to wait for me to get divorced first.” You could have knocked me down with a feather.
Now she’s trying to make light of the fact that she “forgot” to tell me about her hubby, but I am furious.
I feel humiliated and let down. All my friends and family knew I was planning to propose. My sister helped pick out the ring and my parents were planning a surprise party on our return. I had to quickly text my dad to tell him to cancel everything.
My partner is definitely trying to ride this out. Every time I mention her deceiving me she rolls her eyes and huffs that I need to chill out because she simply “forgot”. She won’t really accept that she’s done anything wrong.
How long will a divorce take? Why should I be expected to hang around when I thought I was dating a single, available woman? JANE SAYS: We’re all busy and might forget to feed the goldfish or pay a parking ticket.
But forget to mention a secret husband tucked away on the coast?
No. I’m not sure that I buy that either. Your partner is clearly trying to smooth this embarrassment over and limit the damage to your feelings and her reputation, but she needs to understand that you’re hurt and mystified.
Maybe she didn’t feel able to tell you about her failed marriage on your very first date for fear of driving you away, but you have been together for two years now and this is 2018.
I suggest you tell her you need some time alone to process this information and get your head straight.
In the meantime, is she actually going to speak to her estranged husband about a formal divorce?
Is she inclined to get that particular ball rolling or are there still things that she hasn’t told you? Do they still own a property together, for example, are there any debts or secret children?
Suggest that you speak again once you both know how you feel and where you stand.
Your relationship isn’t necessarily doomed, but she does have to understand that you need complete honesty and a workable future plan. Plus, no more skeletons.