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AN old friend is dragging me down.
She’s the world’s biggest moaner. She’s always depressed, bitter and resentful.
She hates her married fella, her family and, especially, her boss.
She insists on meeting me for a meal every Monday evening.
I turn up and tell her that I don’t want to drink because I have a busy week ahead, but she orders a bottle anyway.
Then she expects me to get my round in.
Before I know it my resolve has vanished and I’m sloshed.
Inevitably, I drink too much and then feel horrible for days.
My boyfriend urges me to ditch her and there’s no getting away from the fact that she’s hard work.
But how can I when we’ve known each other for years?
JANE SAYS: Monday is usually the night people stay in while preparing for a busy week ahead.
The fact that your old friend drags you out suggests to me that she likes to nab you when you can’t possibly have an excuse not to see her.
I’m sure you two were good pals once, but now you’re simply going through the motions.
If she has problems in her life, what is she doing about solving them?
It’s no good sitting and moaning week after week.
And her encouraging you to drink smacks of manipulation.
Be strong and take back control of your life.
Not all friendships go the distance and if she’s guilty of exhausting you and stealing your time, then she’ll have to go.
Your boyfriend can obviously see her for what she is.
MY new bloke just isn’t good enough in bed.
He tries his hardest, bless him, and leaps all over the divan like a horny frog.
But despite his best efforts he does nothing for me. I don’t find him sexy, just really annoying.
He doesn’t get anything right – from kissing my neck to licking my toes. He couldn’t pinpoint my erogenous zones with an industrial torch.
I feel so sorry for him because I know he adores me – and I’m often horribly rude to his face – but I can’t fake it if I’m not feeling it, can I?
We’re just back from a minibreak, which was a total disaster.
He had planned champagne for the room and a vase of red roses.
Stripped
I should have felt flattered and grateful, but I just felt beholden.
He stripped off and suggested sex before dinner and I didn’t feel a thing. I actually lay there mentally compiling my Christmas card list while he pumped away.
I faked my orgasm – as usual – simply to get him off me.
Later, he suggested an early night and I pretended to have a headache to get out of any further disappointing sex.
The next morning he wanted to stay in bed all day, but I insisted on a long hike instead.
Even then he kept trying to kiss me and really got on my nerves.
The problem is that my former boyfriend was red hot in bed. He really got me.
We were like devils together and he could make me scream just by teasing and tickling me. Sadly, we split when I found out that he was cheating on me with my aunt.
My current bloke came along when I was down and desperate.
If I’m totally honest his quivering touch makes me feel queasy – and that’s not right, is it?
JANE SAYS: This relationship isn’t healthy or “right” on any level.
You’re forcing a union with a guy where there is no chemistry, no connection and no respect.
I feel sorry for the poor chap, I really do.
Clearly he’s trying desperately hard to please and satisfy you, but nothing touches the sides. The mere feel of his hand on your neck makes your flesh creep.
Every time he attempts to stimulate and satisfy, you could not wish yourself further away.
He simply can’t do anything right and you both need to acknowledge that fact before any further anger and resentment sets in.
I suspect you were so hurt by your cheating ex-partner that you leapt straight onto bed with this new chap without really thinking things through.
Now the dust has settled and you’re looking at him and thinking: “Why am I here with you.”
This awkward situation is not right for either of you and he deserves honesty and the truth.
Speak to him face to face, thank him for organising the weekend away, but then admit that your heart wasn’t it in.
Apologise for building up his hopes and hurting him. Can you now pay him back your half of the bill? Would that be appropriate?
Wish him luck in finding someone who fully appreciates and deserves him while you give yourself a break from dating.