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IT has been 32 years since I last put a proper sausage in my mouth.

these phrases may seem harmless, they carry meaning and can send mixed signals to students about the relationship between humans and I’ve had a few chipolatas since animals and can normalise abuse,” but size isn’t everything, boys. sniffs a spokesperson for animal

And sorry but you are all still welfare group PETA. way deluded on the inches thing. Instead they suggest things like

But back to bangers. And more “taking a bull by the horns” be importantly the awful taste they replaced by “taking the flower by are leaving in some folks’ gobs the thorns”. And “flogging a dead these days. horse” becomes “feeding a fed

Especially if they are – choke – horse”. Which surely is not only made of meat! plain stupid but also pointless.

You know the stuff that sheep, My personal faves though were pigs, cows and even your pet dog is “bringing home bagels rather than made of. bacon” and “having all your eggs

Yep, the vegans are biting back in one basket” turned into “having again and this time they’re even berries in your basket”. What? more soppy than the soya they love Going and murdering blackberries? so much. What are these

And I speak as people on? someone who gave up Surely this has to the sins of the flesh be a joke. on my honeymoon. But no, it’s backed

(Yeah, insert old jokes by some academic

about wedding cake egg (berry?) head at

and sex, but no I mean Swansea University.

I haven’t actually eaten And what about the meat since then.) Swan in the name of

Nothing to do with your uni, BTW, love? loving cuddly, wuddly Then on top of this animals because I we have a vegan don’t. Soz and all kicked out of an that. anti-hunting group

No the reason I suing for discrimination. stopped was proper, nasty food poisoning He’s claiming caused by a dodgy veganism is a “philosophical barbecue sausage. FORK’S SAKE: Banger belief ” Cooked by my new and should be protected sister-in-law. Go figure that one. in law. Which I’m thinking

Any case, after that I simply pretty much makes having a go at stopped and haven’t eaten any of it the nut-job numpties a religioushate since. I love murdering cheese too crime? much to be a vegan, but as far as Obviously it’s OK for them to hurl bangers are concerned mine come abuse at carnivores for daring to in chipolata mini-size and are enjoy a bacon sarnie, mind. made of quorn. Which is basically Grrrr. Though growling is probably a mulched mushroom. Yum. species misappropriation in

However, I really don’t give a their world too. monkey’s what anyone else eats. It’s getting to the stage where I Even if it is an actual monkey. seriously want to go eat my own

So the fact that hardcore vegans bodyweight in McDonald’s while now not only want us to stop eating wearing a fur coat. dead animals, they actually want Obviously I’m not going to to ban us from talking about them, because that would be a bit pigheaded is utter tripe (can I say that?) but I’d probably have a

Yep, phrases such as “bringing whale of a time. home the bacon” are evidently There’s more than one way to “offensive”. To animals. skin a cat though, so I’ll revert to

The fact that us humans have my favourite “animal abuse” been using idioms like “killing two phrase: pony and trap. birds with one stone” for donkey’s Cos that’s exactly what vegans years (snigger) don’t count. “While are talking.