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MY mother has always told me my father died before I was born. She said he was in the secret services and was shot during a clandestine operation.

I went through my whole childhood believing that.

But my aunt, his sister, recently said that the closest he ever got to a uniform was when he nearly joined the cubs.

She revealed he’s alive and living in London. Now I just feel so cheated.

I think my mother could have made more of an effort to organise contact.

Apparently he did once try to see me but my mother, who is now married for the third time, wouldn’t let him.

How can I have a relationship with her when she blighted my childhood?

JANE SAYS: You can only conclude she did what she thought was the right thing.

Perhaps your father had disappointed her and let her down. Can’t you try and talk to her?

Can’t you ask her to respect your position by giving you the answers you crave?

If you’re determined to trace your father and speak to him, then his sister (your aunt) sounds your obvious starting point. But please do be careful.

Think this through because your father may not be the person you want him to be.

He is not a superhero – he’s a normal man who may have another family and children.

Also, he might reject you and you have to think about how you might deal with that.