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HOW do me and my bloke make our sex life better this year?
We have into a rut.
We love each other very much but have become more like brother and sister.
From snuggling into our pyjamas at 8pm to treating ourselves to a hot chocolate at 9pm, we’re like an old retired couple.
But we’ve only been married for three years and my mother has a better sex life than I do.
She’s just taken up with yet another boyfriend and loves to brag about how many orgasms she’s getting a night.
Apparently her latest squeeze is a beast in the bedroom and most nights she doesn’t get to sleep until 3am. definitely
Ravished
got
She’s having so much great sex that she’s lost a stone in weight and looks 10 years younger.
Me, I’m 29 and look like her frumpy sister. Even when my bloke and I do go up to bed, determined to enjoy some filthy fun, we fall at the first.
We start making love and go on and on and on for ages without it ending up anywhere. There’s no spark, no explosion of passion.
The only way I can enjoy a halfdecent climax is by thinking about someone else, and that’s not really fair, is it?
I imagine myself being ravished by anyone from pop stars to the hunky guy who picks up our plastic recycling and I experience a flicker of pleasure.
My man has suggested sex toys but I’ve had a look at a few online and don’t think something like that is for me.
I’d like to talk to him about how frustrated I feel but we’re not ones for intimate conversations.
Plus I’m terrified of crushing his confidence or making him feel like he’s a failure.
He works very hard and is very kind but we seem to have lost our way.
JANE SAYS: You and your man are in danger of letting your love slip through your fingers.
You’ve got to talk away from the bedroom. You’ve got to admit that your sex life has become stale and sterile.
You can’t fully enjoy his touch because, you suspect, the two of you have got into a sexual rut and the spark just isn’t there.
Lots of couples do find that early nights, sex toys and role-playing bring fresh excitement and perk things up.
Be bold. Ask your man what turns him on. What could you do for him?
Emphasise that something has to give or resentment and bitterness may creep in.
Chuck out those passion killing cosy pyjamas and mugs of hot chocolate for a start.
However, if you and he really can’t resolve this matter between yourselves, then I urge you to contact Relate (relate.org.uk), who can offer sexuality and intimacy counselling.
I accept that discussing your sex life with a third party may be daunting but this person will be a trained counsellor and you’ve got to try to do whatever you can to rescue your relationship.
It’s great that you acknowledge that you’ve hit a wall and need some help.