I CAN’T get over my horrible childhood and it’s ruining my adult life.
When my husband talks about Christmas and birthdays he enjoyed as a child and teenager, he remembers gifts, parties, cakes and, above all, lots of love.
All my sister and I ever got was fear and cold. We were terrified of our parents who drank, took drugs and only ever cared about themselves.
I only have to shut my eyes and I am immediately transported back to the grotty flats I used to call home. We moved around all the time to escape the landlords and debt collectors that our father always owed money to.
I can distinctly remember my seventh birthday because a kindly neighbour gave me a couple of Jaffa Cakes and a can of Coke.
The food was like nectar to me and I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so generous and so kind.
Frequently we did not have enough to eat. My sister suffered from asthma and eczema and I was highly nervous.
Occasionally, we were farmed out to our dad’s mother, but she wasn’t much better. She was as disapproving, cold and cruel as my mum and dad were negligent and selfish.
I left home as soon as I could and lived with a school friend’s family until I was 21. Then I moved in with a partner who was abusive and violent.
Finally, I found a decent job, met my lovely husband and the rest, as they say, is history. Today I have a beautiful home, great friends and every creature comfort imaginable, only I can’t turn my brain off. I’m looking for closure and peace, but I can’t find it.
How do I stop my mind from whirling so fast that I can finally calm down, appreciate what I have and live in the moment?
My head is always in the past. I know this upsets my husband. Why can’t I be grateful for today? JANE SAYS: Stop suffering in silence and make an appointment to see your GP. You need to describe what you’re going through, so that you can be directed to the appropriate medical professional.
It’s tragic and very regrettable that your early life was so blighted, but you can’t allow your past to determine your future.
You have so many good years in front of you, so much still to see and achieve.
There is no shame in admitting that you need extra help – and seeking it.
Have your selfish parents ever given you any answers as to why they thought that acting like a pair of idiots was appropriate? Is a better-late-than-never apology still an option?
You might also wish to check out the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy at www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk.
Keep your husband in the loop about what you’re doing so that everyone understands that you’re going through a very tricky time right now.
Anyone who has suffered an unhappy experience needs to be nurtured, consoled and heard.
You owe it to yourself to park the past. Give yourself some credit for surviving and thriving.