I REALLY want to be a better person, but I can’t bear to look in the mirror because I hate the man I see.
I remind myself of a devious fox. I dislike the things I do, the rubbish I spout and the way I treat people.
I’m one of life’s users and manipulators. I’m addicted to sex and sleep with lots of different women and men all the time.
I don’t have a type and don’t care what my conquests look like. And I certainly don’t stick around long enough to find out what they think or do.
To me it’s all about the numbers. Even though I’m in a long-term relationship I use a variety of dating apps all the time.
The people I go for are usually keen to bed me after a few hours (sometimes minutes) of meeting up.
I’ve never known success like it. I’m quite a good-looking bloke. I keep myself fit and dress well and I’m very good at flattery.
My long-term female partner loathes me. We’ve been together for eight years and she knows exactly what I’m like.
She works for an airline and is rarely here, which suits us both.
She once said she’ll never leave me because she knows that’s what I want, so she prefers to stick around making my life a misery.
And she knows I won’t leave her because I don’t have the guts.
That’s how messed up our relationship is. When I’m flirting, spinning a line and going in for the kill with a fresh conquest, I’m on fire. But then I have some terrible dark nights of the soul.
I wake up in a sweat, panicking about what I’m doing. One woman recently gave me a large cash gift so that I can replace my car.
Another guy gives me money to keep quiet, while another thinks I’m marrying him in September. How did I wind up so calculating and horrible?
JANE SAYS: Sadly, self-loathing is pretty common.
Many of us don’t like the way we look, act and feel. We long to change everything about ourselves and to wipe the slate clean and start again.
It sounds as if you have got yourself caught in a cycle of destructive behaviour and blinding guilt. From the addictive nature of dating apps to the undisguised hatred of your long-term partner, you’re a man on the edge.
Everything has to change if you’re to become the person you wish to be.
The good news is that you’re self-aware – you know that your current habits are unhealthy and demoralising. I urge you to change your life today. Ditch the dating apps and turn things around.
Be honest with the people who are expecting you to commit to them.
As for your long-term partner, why can’t you finish with her when you’re both so unhappy?
Surely life is too short for this on-going level of misery?
Find the courage to speak to her about splitting and starting again.
Also, speak to your GP about your addictive behaviour. He or she has to hear that you are struggling to cope but determined to rise again. I’D love my ex-bloke to get back with me, but his mates lead him astray.
He hangs out with three guys who are party animals. They never have proper girlfriends and live for extreme sports and wild experiences.
He and I broke up over six months ago after a row about his drinking and always putting them first. We have texted each other about trying to save our relationship, but I don’t feel as if we’re getting anywhere.
Recently, I turned up unexpectedly at his favourite boozer and his mates were really hostile.
I asked my guy for a private conversation and got the impression they were laughing at me.
We went outside and one of them kept calling his phone, which he thought was wildly funny. Am I wasting my time? JANE SAYS: There’s only so much rejection and humiliation you can take.
Your man acted like an immature brat when you turned up at the pub.
Admittedly, he didn’t know you were coming. But did he really have to play the fool?
He is a fully functioning adult. Neither you nor he can blame his friends for leading him astray. He has to take full responsibility for the way he behaves and you have to accept he gets drunk and plays up because he enjoys it.
Is he actually serious about reviving your relationship and ditching his wild friends?
I don’t feel he is and I worry that you’re wasting time and energy on a man who now has his own agenda and isn’t keen on telling the truth or letting you down gently.
It sounds as if he deserves his wild mates and they deserve him.
While you deserve someone much better.