BUTTON IT YOU SILLY BURGERS
IF there are any words I never want to hear again outside of the dreaded “Brexit” it’s “climate change”.
Never has so much hot air been spouted by so many self-professed, mostly unwashed, hypocritical “experts” who still don’t get the irony of their adding to the methane problem by talking out of their backsides.
I am sick of being lectured, hectored, nagged, patronised and downright terrorised by the current twin doom cults of leaving the EU and destroying the planet.
Still not quite sure which one is going to kill us all first but starting to feel like living in a bad Guardians Of The Galaxy movie without the bonus of ogling a fit bloke called Chris (Hemsworth or Pratt, take your pick).
First up we have a university – Goldsmiths in London – banning beef burgers. Yep, that’s right – one of those bastions of free, liberal thinking where we are nurturing the great brains of the future acting like something out of George Orwell’s 1984.
Surely the point of further education is about debating differing views, learning from your experiences and coming out a fully-rounded adult. Not being dictated to.
But no, burgers are off the campus menus because “declaring a climate emergency cannot be empty words”.
It’s all right though, as there are at least three McDonald’s and a couple of Burger Kings within staggering distance.
Next up we have everyone’s favourite bogeyman Nigel Farage. In a bizarre rant – considering he’s supposedly cut down on boozing – the Brexit Party leader has laid into the Royal Family while on a trip to Australia.
The Queen Mum is ridiculed as a slightly overweight, chain-smoking gin drinker while Harry and “Charlie Boy” are ripped apart for their hand-wringing over, yep, that there climate change thing.
Meghan is charged with changing “man’s man” Harry into a wimp. A soldier who once thought wearing a Nazi uniform was fun fancy dress to an under-the-thumb wuss declaring he was only having two kids to save the planet.
Blimey, I know Nige was Down Under but didn’t realise he’d dug his way there and was determined to make even more of a hole for himself.
I might have Brexiteers wrong here but I thought they were all for sovereignty and Her Maj?
But the whole climate change hysteria is doing that. It’s addling all our brains. We feel guilty for using a plastic bag while eco-warrior luvvie Emma Thompson jets around the world first class.
Drown in the staycation deluge this summer or make like the recent A-listers flown in private jets to a climate emergency conference at a luxury Mediterranean resort?
Thankfully though we have former weatherman Bill Giles who actually has a sunny outlook on the CC words thing by insisting it could warm up our economy after the B word thing.
He thinks more predictably-hot summers in the UK will lure holidaymakers away from the Med and that the tourist industry should start gearing up to coin it in. He also reckons that within the next two decades we’ll have a solution to the environmental crisis so all today’s panic is for nothing. Though if you believe Bill Gates we already have the answer, and that’s to fire millions of tonnes of dust into the atmosphere to shade us from the sun’s rays.
Which really does sound like something out of Guardians Of The Galaxy franchise. I think it’s the one they called Endgame.
THE catastrophe merchants claim there are going to be such food shortages after Brexit that we’re all going to starve. Brilliant! Obesity crisis sorted too.