Admirer does my head in
MY girlfriend is always trying to change me.
She hates my voice, my looks, my job and my opinions.
Before we go out anywhere she instructs me on what to wear and what to say.
If I’m with her colleagues then I’m not allowed to mention politics or sport.
If I’m with her family, religion and marriage are off the menu.
Half the time I don’t know if I’m coming or going and end up not saying anything at all, which seems to suit her best.
Recently, at her friend’s birthday party, I sat in the corner nursing a beer. Her sister asked me if the cat had got my tongue and I just grinned.
Joke
I was wearing a trendy top and pair of jeans that my girl had picked out for me. I looked like a joke and felt ridiculous.
More than once she’s mentioned me getting tattoos like David Beckham, although she knows I’m terrified of needles.
It feels like I’m her project and I’m sick of being ruffled up, slagged off and put down.
She picks out guys on TV and YouTube and goes on about how much better they are than me.
She jokes that I’m lucky to have her and that I’m punching above my weight. She does concede that I’m good in bed, which I suppose is one consolation.
But what I actually have going for me is a large bank balance because my job is going well and I inherited my grandad’s house.
When I pluck up the courage to say she only stays with me for my spending power she hits the roof. But why does she continue to hang around if I’m such a hopeless case?
JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend sounds like a conflicted woman. She likes your bank balance, but she’s frustrated by your looks, personality and style. Why don’t you put her out of her misery by saying goodbye?
You’re not a hopeless case and you’re not her project. If she is more interested in your debit card than your heart and personality, then she’s wasting your time.
I get the impression you’ve let your girlfriend get away with too much and now she feels that she can say anything she likes.
Tell her you’ve had enough and that you’re tired of her cruel jibes. OK, you may not be perfect, but neither is she. What you are, however, is a decent bloke who would never dream of being rude or disrespectful towards her.
Does she actually love even like you? If not, why she still hanging around?
Be very clear – you’re not prepared to put up with any more rubbish. You’re not changing because you’re happy with the skin you’re in.
If she can’t accept that and start being kinder towards you, then the two of you have no future.
Sadly, I fear she won’t start to respect you until you pull yourself up to your full height and show your teeth. or is SOMEONE keeps leaving soppy cards under my windscreen wipers.
He or she is also sending red roses to my work. All the cards are unsigned and the flowers arrive without a note.
The cards tell me I’m beautiful and special. I have no idea who my secret admirer is, but I’m freaked out and unimpressed.
The florist tells me the customer wants to stay anonymous.
I’m single and overwhelmed with a demanding job and a sick mother. I don’t need this stress.
JANE SAYS: You need to tell the florist not to send you any more flowers because they are not welcome.
Then gather the notes you’ve had so far and brainstorm with a trusted friend or family member.
Can you think who this person might be? An ex-lover? A current colleague?
You don’t want to make accusations you can’t back up, so maybe you need to take everything you’ve received so far to the police.
This is not you being unromantic or a misery.
It’s you seeking peace of mind from an unwelcome admirer.